The Top 20 Bad Romance Novel Metaphors or Similes
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> 20> His body was hard -- not hard like Milosevic, the Serbian
> strongman, but hard like the marble on your shower floor,
> when you fall and bang your knee.
>
> 19> Her shoulders heaved like the tiny sobs of Snuggles the cat
> being run through with a roasting spit.
>
> 18> Her embrace made his manhood swell like week-old roadkill on
> hot asphalt in the Georgia sun.
>
> 17> Her petticoats dropped to the ground, rustling like a
> cockroach in a sugar bowl.
>
> 16> As she kissed her way down his manly chest, he felt his
> Amalgamated Crane Company stock increasing in value.
>
> 15> Beatrice was on him like a piranha on a corn dog.
>
> 14> ...then he kissed her, like a butterfly kisses the windshield
> of a Porsche on the Autobahn.
>
> 13> Her breasts heaved like a stormy ocean, and her pointed
> nipples were like hypodermics washed up on the shore.
>
> 12> With his broad shoulders and slim waist, he was a yield sign
> -- yet she could NOT!
>
> 11> He tore open her blouse like a Publisher's Clearing House
> letter in which he, and some guy named Steven Bouber from
> Stockton, California, were potential finalists for the ten
> million dollar prize.
>
> 10> His manhood stood at full attention, stiff and stony like the
> vice president.
>
> 9> Sleekly malevolent, driven by a violent hunger, Donovan glided
> through the chum-filled waters of the singles bar,
> oblivious to the remora of Annabelle's adoring gaze.
>
> 8> Like the wind, she ran, her breasts lurching like a motor boat
> over a wake, and then, as fluid as a fine imported transmission,
> she whipped out her man-organ and pissed away his dreams.
>
> 7> Her sun-glazed back formed a golden arch as he moved his face
> toward her happy meal.
>
> 6> With each breath, her chest heaved like a bulimic after
> Thanksgiving dinner.
>
> 5> He Beatty-ed her shamelessly, making her squeal like Ned
> and hallucinate like Warren.
>
> 4> He awoke my slumbering womanhood with his double tall loin
> latte. "Starbuck!" I cried.
>
> 3> His chest was her pillow, and oh, did she drool.
>
> 2> Claire felt swept away by this dark stranger, a helpless dust
> bunny in the roaring cacophony of his gas-powered leaf
> blower.
>
> 1> His finger, weathered and rough from years on the ranch,
> danced in and out of his nose like a slimy ballerina.
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