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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Tmoore who wrote (12059)10/20/1999 6:22:00 PM
From: Wooly  Read Replies (1) of 62552
 
There must be a message about the taste of the American people with Martha Stewart and WWF go public the same day - I just can't put my finger on it right now.

In honor of Martha's new $1.17 billion valuation, here are some of her
pearls of "wediquette", which of course stands for wisdom combined with etiquette:

****************************

Tips from Martha Stewart:

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by
holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and
occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to
fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the
dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red
nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless
you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be
selected.)

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is
almost instantly removed.
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