Not trying to start a war, but the only thing more boring than a joke seen here 20 times or more, is a post pointing that out.
obligatory joke follows: WARNING: SOME MAY FIND THIS OFFENSIVE
and it has probably been posted before.
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his
wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied
while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a
life-sized sex doll but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through
the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said,
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick'." "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under
the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box,carved with strange symbols.
He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo.The
businessman laughed, and said "Big f***ing deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said
"Voodoo dick, the door."The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole.The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack
developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get
back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there,
quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he
finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my p****." He left
for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several
people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick.
She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my p****!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and
started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three
orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive tothe hospital, quivering with
every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over
by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick
was stuck in her p****, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said
"Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!" |
