>Are You a Guy?
>Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient
>
> 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the
> Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a
> token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with
> a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is
> capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite
> supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty,
> and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all
> over the entire Earth. You decide to:
>
> a. Present it to the president of the United States.
> b. Present it to the secretary general of the United
> Nations.
> c. Take it apart.
>
> 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful
> life do you miss the most?
>
> a. Innocence.
> b. Idealism.
> c. Cherry bombs.
>
> 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
>
> a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection
> without regard for narrow-minded social
> conventions.
> b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
> c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and
> this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let
> him know that, for business reasons, you have to
> have him killed.
>
> 4. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...
>
> a. ...remember the deceased and console his loved
> ones.
> b. ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly
> life.
> c. ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's
> disease and cancer.
>
> 5. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
>
> a. A cat.
> b. A dog.
> c. A dog that eats cats.
>
> 6. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's
> attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being
> with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you
> are taking it easy--you're watching a football game;
> she's reading the papers--when she suddenly, out of the
> clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really
> loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of
> not knowing where your relationship is going. She says
> she's not asking whether you want to get married; only
> whether you believe that you have some kind of future
> together. What do you say?
>
> a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a
> future, but you don't want to rush it.
> b. That although you also have strong feelings for
> her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready
> anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you
> don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
> c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play
> on third and seventeen.
>
> 7. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and
> you want to spend the rest of your life with her-sharing
> the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies,
> and all the adventures and opportunities that the world
> has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
>
> a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her
> after dinner.
> b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you
> say her name, and when she turns to you, with the
> sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her
> eyes, you tell her.
> c. Tell her what?
>
> 8. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and
> asks you to get your three children ready for school.
> Your first question to her is:
>
> a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
> b. "They're in school already?"
> c. "There are three of them?"
>
> 9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable
> explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites
> all over the place for forty years before they finally
> got to the Promised Land?
>
> a. He was being tested.
> b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised
> Land when they finally got there.
> c. He refused to ask directions.
>
>10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
>
> a. Democracy.
> b. Religion.
> c. Remote control.
>
> How to Score: Give yourself one point for every time you
> picked answer "c." A real guy would score at least 8 on
> this test. In fact, a real guy would score at least 13,
> because he would get the special five-point bonus for
> knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease
> and cancer. |
