The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter,
Fall Issue, 1894:
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE
FOR THE
YOUNG BRIDE
on the
Conduct and Procedure of the
Intimate and Personal Relationships
of the Marriage State
for the
Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
by
Ruth Smythers
beloved wife of
The Reverend L.D. Smythers
Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist
Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
Published in the year
of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press
New York City
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper
upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and
most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the
wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a
beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in
securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life.
On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the
bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time
the terrible experience of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.
Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal
with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish
and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride.
One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE
LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While
sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be
endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and
is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children
produced through it.
It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the
groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband
would be one who would approach his bride only at her request
and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and
unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.
Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The
wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual
experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time
goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.
Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's
best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and
bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening
about an hour before the husband would normally commence his
seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of
denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A
good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once
a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a
month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete
their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of
terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she
can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to
hold the husband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low
as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the
kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather
perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a
variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include
among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions;
mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to
be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing
photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the
obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to
see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his
unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should
be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it
useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas
for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms.
They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of
flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights,
she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he
comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide
him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement.
She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope
that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can
use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily
motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by
the optimistic husband. If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she
should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on
her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make
a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else
she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the
bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will
generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the
wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual
question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the
conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the
time.
Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having
sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous
embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up
no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of
his pajamas to thus make connection.
She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework
while his huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie
perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan
while the act is in progress. As soon as the husband has
completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about
various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow.
Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from
the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the
wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to
enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact
that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment
have been working together all through his life to instill in him a
deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he
comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame,
already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this
advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.
(C) 1894 The Madison Institute. |
