Euphemisms (For what? You figure it out)
1.Ganking off
2.Having a closer encounter of the FIST kind
3.Comforting the italian stallion
4.Showing stevie whos the boss
5.Spankin' the Root
6.Honkin' on Bobo
7.Rackin the Rib Cage
8.Self-service
9.Giving your bits and pieces a "how's your father?"
10.Shining the tackle
11.Fly fishing for sperm
12.Walkin' the dog
13.Pipein the Peter
14.Teasing the Devil
15.Beating the Gorilla (little boys spank the monkey)
16.Hangin with Big Jim and the Twins
17.Shuffeling the deck
18.Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
19.Grooming the Wookie
20.Polishing Vader's Helmet
21.Evacuating Tatooine
22.Unsheathing the Meatsaber
23.Communicating with Red Leader One
24.Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
25.Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
26.Test Firing the Death Star
27.Launching a pocket rocket
28.Luring a trowser trout
29.Jack the one eyed pirate
30.Whippin' up a batch
31.Genuflecting the Bishop
32.Asking your room mate to leave for five minutes so you can call your mom
33.Beating the munchkin till he gives up his gold
34.Beaver Hunters Day Off
35.Roughing
36.Visiting Rosie Redthumb and her four lovely daughters
37.My fingers got jealous
38.Playing the pink trumpet
39.Milkin' the member
40.Poundin' the Pudweiser
41.Feelin' the other finger
42.Stokin' the strokin' stack
43.Crankin' on Captain Winky
44.Reefin' on the restless rod
45.Taking the pink cadillac for a test drive
46.Firin' old faithful
47.Grapplin' with Mr. Happy
48.Tuggin' Tom Turkey
49.Pound the Flounder
50.Wax the candle
51.Spending the night at the Hancock Inn (a real place in VT)
52.Hand-cycling the nine bit
53.Making the bald man cry/puke
54.Straightening Kojak's rollneck
55.Tossing the spam javelin
56.Tugging the tapioka tube
57.Saluting General Pleasure
58.Greasing the axle
59.Hoisting the mast
60.Luring the snake
61.Mercury rising
62.Gripping up the flesh bat
63.Shoveling sperm
64.Invoking the sperm spirit
65.Sending out all the king's men
66.Launching some swimmers
67.Chopping down a redwood
68.Inspector gadget
69.Using the force with your lightsaber
70.Palmanella poisoning
71.UA (unauthorized) stroking (a Navy thing)
72.Full Metal Wacket (a Marine thing - "I am... in a world... of spit!!!")
73.Flogging the Dolphin
74.Pope on a Grope (have you seen that hat?)
75.Pickling pigs feet (a southern beer food thing)
76.lightning striking the same place over and over and over and over...
77.Self Whittling
78.Punching Your Way Into Heavan
79.Puling Russell the Love Muscle
80.Wham your ham
81.Pounding peckerhead
82.Going to play Rosy Palm, her four sisters, and Thumbelina
83.Rubbing one out
84.Smackin' your tater
85.Banishing the Baby Batter
86.Friction Conviction
87.Poundin' the Clown
88.Floggin' your hog
89.Coming home...
90.Releasing the valve
91.Taking a few practice swings
92.Hittin' off the tee
93.Getting a good grip on the shaft before hitting the little balls (alluding to golf)
94.Freeing Willy!!
95.Tenderizing the ol' meat package
96.Trying to make it longer
97.Reminiscing...
98.Spillin' Oil
99.Waxing the Buick
100.Emptyin' the Cashe
101.Yinin the Yang
102.Yangin the Yin
103.Beat the Turtle
104.Dishonorable Discharge
105.Fire the Cannon
106.One Gun Salute
107.Slappin' Johnny behind the German Helmet
108.Doing the one-handed macarena with the albino gecko
109.Burp the worm
110.Fire the Cannon
111.One Gun Salute
112.Wrestling the purple headed gut snatcher
113.Going solo on the flesh flute
114.Shining the lighthouse
115.Milking the 1-eye trouser snake
116.Waxin' the bishop
117.Bringin' the general to attention then putting him at ease
118.Playing with the one eyed trouser worm
119.Arm and Hammer
120.Jerkin' the Purple Headed Yogart Slinger
121.Jerkin' the Weasle
122.Slammin' the Ham
123.Shinin' the Bayonet
124.Buffin' the Cuke
125.Wackin' the Goofy
126.Punishin' Petey
127.Target Practice
128.Rotatin' the stock
129.Releasin' the Monster
130.Teasin' the Rattler
131.Givin' Mama a day off
132.Clearin' old one eye's tear duct
133.Sluggin' it out with the alter ego
134.Ultimate Solitaire
135.Choking Kojak
136.Firing the Attorney General
137.Sex with the only social equal in town
138.Doing Pullups
139.Organizing
140.Shuffling the Deck
141.Summoning the Semen Demon
142.Parading the troops (corporal and five privates)
143.Giving the general a five-finger salute
144.Saluting the general
145.Playing with the upright organ
146.Punishing the Pope
147.Visiting Merry Palmer
148.Shaking yourself one from the palm
149.Checking in to the Red Palm Hotel
150.Shaking hands with my red neck friend
151.Fist fuckin' the piss pump
152.Choking the bishop
153.Wrestling the snake
154.Flexing Russell the one-eyed love muscle
155.Enslaving Private Ryan
156.Whacking Wee Willie Winkie
157.Makin' Willie do pushups til he pukes
158.Makin' a deposit in the Toilet Bank of America
159.Doin' the tip-toe tango
160.Whacking the one-eyed worm
161.Wettin' yer whistle
162.Sharpening the beaver-cleaver
163.Scolding the diamond-cutter
164.Can I just do it til I need glasses?
165.Gettin' pudding on her panties
166.Solo-sex
167.Playing King Kong and Faye Wray
168.Strummin' the Banjo
169.Lay your destiny into your own hands
170.Fightin' demons
171.Socking the sauage
172.Endurance Training
173.Cleaning the shotgun
174.Putting trees to good use
175.Seiging the tower
176.Monogamy
177.Ambidexterity
178.Learning the true meaning of commitment
179.Ticklin' elmo
180.Letting the cat out
181.A date with Manuela
182.Making tadpole Milkshake
183.Taking the neighbors dog for a walk
184.Playing with my Yo Yo
185.Helping Dr. Kleenex get his kids through college
186.Making water babies (in the shower)
187.Wobbling my woodle
188.Takin' a "homework break"
189.Fucking miss michigan
190.Getting your palm red
191.Cleanin' the pipes
192.Jiggling the handle
193.Testing' Old Faithful
194.Dating Thumbalina and her four sisters
195.Visiting Taylor Buckner
196.Playing Toronto-Maple-Leafs Hockey
197.Pull The Goalie
198.Hand Release
199.Manual Release
200.Taking matters into one's own hands
201.Finding the solution in the hands
202.There's always a solution at hand
203.First you grab it by the head then you beat it till it's dead
204.Shootin' off a load
205.Runnin' a Batch
206.Packin' the pud
207.Warmin' up the alter boy's dinner
208.Flippin' my jibbon
209.Giving my girlfriend the night off
210.Pattin' the pooter
211.Lope'n the mule
212.Badgering the Witness
213.Pump the gas
214.Got a date with Rosie Palmer
215.The pause that refreshes
216.Playing five against one
217.Flicking the Donkey
218.Checking head space and timing (an army thing)
219.Sending a fax (anouther army thing)
220.Hackin yer Banana
221.Whippin yer Wire
222.Lap based web browsing
223.Gettin' some air nookie
224.Tango con mano
225.Jostling your elder
226.Releasing the hostages
227.Fixing the Hubble
228.Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
229.Downloading from your own website
230.Evicting the testicular squatters
231.Fanny fumbling
232.Lettuce Rubbin
233.Meeting Joe Black
234.Visiting Mother Thumb and her Four Daughters
235.Slapping pappy
236.Polishing your purple helmet
237.Aabusing government property
238.Wheeling off a batch
239.Using the purple headed yogurt flinger
240.Whippin the snot out of one-eyed goofy
241.Forcing your yoda
242.Bobbing your fett
243.Darthing your vader
244.Hand solo
245.R2 your d2
246.Wanking your wedge
247.C3p Oh
248.Degravitizing your boots
249.Patroling your parameter
250.Pulling a jerry
251.Tenderizing your piece of pork
252.Making tadure taffy
253.Auntin' the jamima
254.Aiding the gator
255.Smoking the marlboro man
256.Keeping the population down
257.Shuffle one out
258.Spit Shinin' your Wing Tip
259.Giving Monica the day off
260.Little man in the boat OVERBOARD
261.Get to the peak of your peker
262.Checkin for carpal tunnel
263.It's mine and I'll wash it as long and as hard as I want!
264.Buffin' the helmet
265.Willy Wonkin'
266.Boppin' the bologna
267.Milkin' the muskrat
268.Snapping one off
269.Draining the Dragon
270.Experiencing Men-o-paws
271.Celebrating Palm Sunday
272.Palmala Handerson
273.Five knuckle shuffle on the piss pump
274.Bashin' the Bishop
275.Having a session with the wise master
276.Goin to to dojo (for a little training)
277.Enjoyin' yourself
278.Beating grandma and throwing her in the trunk
279.Hand start the one eyed yogert thrower
280.Memory Bank Spank
281.Feeding the chooks
282.Gettin' jizzy with it
283.Cleaning the snorkel
284.Making a deposit at the "bank
285.Mugging the Kojak Doll
286.Giving flipper a backrub
287.Makin' puddin'
288.Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
289.Making sewer babies
290.Dating the palm sisters
291.Watering the grass
292.Cockin the Gun
293.Gettin' jiggy with it
294.Filling up the belly button well
295.Conditioning the leather
296.Rubbing one off
297.Satisfying King Solomon
298.Hanging on for dear life
299.Inflating the Zepplin
300.Massaging the Marrionette, no strings attatched
301.Extracting a core sample
302.Enforcing the "No Fly Zone"
303.Digital Manipulation of the Coital Apparatus
304.testin out the magic love wand
305.The Rise and Fall of Peter the Great
306.Just hold it right there!
307.Firing the Surgeon General
308.Big Battle With The CHOAD WARRIOR
309.Beatin' up the scumbag who impregnated my wife
310.Circling the camel toes (insert imagination here!)
311.Helpin' Yourself
312.Squeaky the squirrel
313.Taking Herman to the circus
314.Russian Roulette
315.Freeing the soldiers of love
316.Boobytrapping a toilet seat
317.Galloping the lizard
318.Five finger boogie on the blue vein
319.Tickling little tommy behind the ear
320.Walking the one eyed dog
321.Making hair-gel
322.Making gravy
323.Just look at all that "jello"
324.Making a quick $50 (selling sprem)
325.Humping the old hand
326.Greasing The Baseball Bat
327.One man tug of War
328.Hang The Hampster
329.5 Digit Disco
330.Rockin the lil' man in the boat
331.The disappearing cigar trick
332.Male polishing the stinger
333.Checkin' the tweeters
334.Shaking hands with the wifes wedding present
335.Analyzing your woofer
336.Lauchin' the heat seeking moisture missle
337.Fileting the trouser trout
338.Jerkin' my johnson
339.Latherin' the latin love lance
340.Phonin' the czar
341.Gettin' gnarly with the knudster
342.Gettin' gissy wit the goo
343.Bendin' to the will of the one eyed purple warrior
344.Peelin' the primordial pestle
345.Spew from the column of delight
346.Honkin' bobo
347.Ridin' the one eyed wonder horse
348.Fuckin' the cashier at safeway
349.Sayin' hello to my little friend
350.Open hand ...insert bubba
351.Prostate Maintenance
352.Honkin' the burritto
353.Pickle dancing
354.Skippin' rocks off the lake of love
355.Shaving the cucumber
356.Faxing a hard copy to the Castro
357.Chompin' the Chihuahua
358.Using the Force
359.Countin' Sheep
360.Floggin' the dolphin
361.Whippin' up some baby batter
362.Saving Private Ryan
363.Testin' the Viagra
364.Feeding your trouser-mouse
365.Joltin' the bean
366.Cock the cannon
367.Supply and Demand
368.Puttin' mayo on the knuckle sandwich
369.Doin' the hand-jive
370.Firing the photon torpedoes
371.Shootin putty at the moon
372.The sperm manicure
373.Putting the dog's eye out
374.Rubbing the nub
375.Slobbering on the knob (have to be flexible for this one)
376.Saying hi to big Jim and the twins
377.Verifying your manhood
378.Worshiping the fist prince
379.Yanking the penal cord
380.Flushing babies
381.73 de Vince
382.The two fisted monkey slap
383.Bustin' caps
384.The blob blaster
385.Making a sinkbitch
386.Spewin' crude
387.Punyeta
388.Wank your crank
389.Skankin' the pickle
390.Smackin' the pudge
391.Eake the Sweak
392.Excusing It
393.Going to take a bath
394.Unrolling the turtle neck
395.Unsheathing the shlong
396.Washing vigerously
397.Puncturing the cock head
398.Shining the helmet
399.Snake dancing
400.Dressing up like the mail man
401.Making liquid salt
402.Candle pin bowling
403.Spit shinin' the trophy
404.Making love with miss Right
405.Spin the humming top
406.Letting off a few wrist rockets
407.Owner Operator
408.Freeing the Willies
409.Pettin' the Parrot
410.Punchin' the Munchkin
411.Spankin' the Monkey
412.Slappin' the Salami
413.Chokin' the Chicken
414.Slickin' the Willy
415.Carressin' the Cucumber
416.Doin' the Mighty Wang Chung (tonight)
417.Tamin' the Shrew
418.Shinin' the Shaft
419.Tweakin' the Totem Pole
420.Takin' the Stalian out of the Corral
421.Lubricatin' the Piston
422.Beatin' the Meat (a true classic)
423.Armin' the Torpedo
424.Playin' One Arm Bandit
425.Playin' One Eyed Bandit
426.Squirtin' the Shavin' Cream
427.Playin' the Skin Flute
428.Fondlin' the Fountain
429.Churnin' Butter
430.Buyin' a Vowel
431.It's the Middle School Rodeo
432.Knuckle Shuffle on the Piss Pump
433.Takin' Out the Dentures
434.Gushin' the Geyser
435.Sealin' the Drywall
436.Milkin' the Hieffer
437.Squeezin' the Squirrel
438.Jerkin' Off (time honored classic)
439.Pullin' the Pud
440.Self Pollution
441.Pullin' a Pee-Wee
442.Goin' Blind
443.Growin' Hair on the Palms
444.Waxin' the Dolphin
445.Beatin' the Bishop
446.Jerkin' the Gerkin
447.Wackin' Off
448.Poundin' the Pepperoni
449.Cleanin' the Canoli
450.Lovin' Thy Self
451.Special Saucin' the Big Mac (TM)
452.Fondlin' the Fahita
453.Bangin' the Burrito
454.Heistin' the Jewels
455.Pettin' the Kitty
456.Hustlin' the Hog
457.Porkin' the Pig
458.Startin' the Lawn Mower
459.Waxin' the T-Bird
460.Polishin' the Rocket
461.Gettin' Your Pole Varnished
462.I'll Be Out in a Minute
463.Chaffin' the Chiwawa
464.One Man Band
465.Makin' the Meat-Whistle
466.Torquin' the Taliwacker
467.Fist Fuckin'
468.Givin' it a Tug
469.Shootin' Putty at the Moon
470.Pocket Pool
471.Shaking Hands with the Unemployed
472.Pounding your Pud
473.Polishing the Bishop (as in the chess piece that bears a striking resemblence to the male member)
474.Beatin' the boner
475.Handlin' the hard on
476.Yankin' your chain
477.Sanding the woody
478.Lubricating the love stick
479.Jigglin' your cockanballs
480.Polishing your ceptor while sitting on the throne
481.Sharpening the pencil
482.Charging the battery
483.Cooking the calzone
484.Tickling old one-eye
485.Making the cyclops fight the five headed monster until he cries
486.Grabin' the grouse
487.Spaklin' the ceiling
488.Bopin' the baloney
489.Pulling the goalie!
490.Pumpin the gas
491.Doin the wild Tyler
492.Sayin "hi" to mom
493.Drainin the main vein
494.Pissin off the other people waitin to use the shower
495.Stainin the sheets
496.Makin a mess
497.Worshipin the finger prince
498.Pumping the revolver
499.Shootin the 6 shooter
500.Kickin it downtown free style
501.Waxing the car
502.Polishing the family jewels
503.Makin ma proud
504.Taking the physical challenge (double dare)
505.Killing 45 seconds
506.Striking oil
507.Waxing your Rocket
508."Surfing da net"
509.Fogging the computer screen
510.Pissing off the cab driver
511.Skippin class
512.Spilling milk
513.Wondering why you never get laid
514.Workin' the glue stick
515.Pleasin' the turtle
516.Playin "hookey"
517.Lacin up the winter boots
518.Walkin the bearded one-eyed love dog
519.Beatin' the piss outta my best friend
520.Makin' a knuckle hot dog
521.Cuffin the carrot
522.Chuggin the choo-choo
523.Practicing your mantra
524.Making me "Love" in the hand
525.Squeezing the cream out of the flesh Twinkie(TM)
526.Shaking hands with Percy
527.Waxing the carrot
528.Flogging the bishop
529.Makin' Jonny Walker red
530.Playin' Rumple Foreshin
531.Wrestlin' the Bald Headed Champ
532.Punching the Clown
533.Car Lifting (as in jacking them up)
534.Jackin' off
535.Beatin' off
536.Pluckin' the duck
537.Milkin' the cow
538.Chokin' the snake
539.Washing your hands
540.Tuggin' the Tapioca Tube
541.Gettin' to be better friends with Willy
542.Just sayin' "Hi"
543.Stretching before strenuous exercise
544.Tamin' Goliath
545.Corraling the Tadpoles
546.Pumpin' Iron
547.Jack my Mule
548.Floggin' yer dummy
549.Roughin' up the suspect (Cause you know he's guilty)
550.Puttin' miles on your monkey
551.Gettin' a little off-hand
552.Taking old one eye to the cleaners
553.Vanilla puke session
554.Cuffin' the pud
555.Polishin' the cane
556.Squeezin' the crest
557.Allocating the aardvark
558.Arts and crafts
559.Giving seamen shore leave.
560.Whipping the mole
561.Polishing My Oscar
562.Tossin' off
563.Greasing the axle
564.Shaking hands with the president
565.Playing with Mr. bubbles
566.Rubbing the rhubarb
567.Squeezing the squash
568.Stroking the bird
569.Stroking the meat and paying the butcher
570.Boxing the Jesuit
571.Riding the Great White Knuckler
572.Pulling Mr. Weasel from the grave
573.Popin' the porpoise
574.Ticklin' the pickle
575.Whittling Wood
576.A Visit from Mother Fist
577.A Date with Senorita Mano
578.Bludgeon the Beefsteak
579.Clean your rifle
580.Wonk your Conker
581.Hitchhike under the Big Tent
582.Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
583.Lopin' your mule
584.Smackin' your haddock
585.Floggin' your log
586.Playing tug-o-war with cyclops
587.Sleeping ;)
588.Gettin a visit from ol huey the hand humpin hamster
589.Giving the pope a stroke
590.Going to war with the Boar
591.Doing the inner pants-dance
592.Melting ice-cream
593.Simulation
594.Training
595.Practising
596.Milk the bull
597.Dice the rice
598.Maiming Jane until she's lame
599.Hurting burt until he squirts
600.Scare the bear
601.Cheat the meat
602.Toot the flute
603.Nail the whale
604.Sock the cock/rock etc.
605.Kill old Bill
606.Chopping down your rainforest
607.Maul the mouse/monkey (any M animal)
608.Growing a tree then chopping it down
609.Whipping your own cream
610.Producing and consuming
611.Wetting the whistle
612.Tugging the boat
613.Tooting the horn
614.Virtual reality
615.Bop the mop
616.Pulling the bull
617.Flogging the old dog
618.Makin' mayo
619.Butterin the corn
620.Goin eye to eye with johnny hung
621.Meeting the captain
622.Gleamin' the cube
623.Ngocok
624.Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
625.Eruptin' the volcano
626.Yankin' the crank
627.Realizing you'll never get any
628.Pullin' the pickle
629.Performin' an organ solo
630.Helpin' Tom Sawyer white-wash the fence
631.Climbin' Everest
632.Playin' pocket pool
633.Winnin' a taffy-pulling contest
634.Using your hand as a substitute for a real fuck
635.Ripping your penis to shreds
636.Playin' with the channel changer
637.One word: "SQUIRT"!
638.Jiggling the branch to shake the nuts loose
639.Pumping the shotgun
640.Because you can't suck your own dick
641.Checking for impotence
642.Rubbing your dick till you come
643.Showing off your pride & joy
644.Cause you got so close with your girl but she said no
645.Getting ready for Rover!
646.Making good use of all that old vaseline on the shelf
647.Playing makebelieve with your imaginary friend
648.The best orgasm you'll EVER get.
649.Go fuck yourself
650.Girls come and go, but righty will always be there for you
651.Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up...DOWN
652.Making your own porno
653.Having an intelligent conversation with Dick.
654.Having a ball... well, two actually.
655.Who needs video games?
656.Something to embrace in your time of need
657.Goddamn it! The joystick's broken!
658.Hackin' your lettuce
659.Polishing your porpoise
660.Stretchin' the muscle
661.Whackin' your Pud
662.Running a batch off by hand
663.Pulling rank on private one-eye!
664.Grindin' the Goo Shooter!
665.Givin' the sheep a break!
666.Doin' hard time in the hand slammer!
667.Not now ma, I'm on the commode!
668.Waxing the Pole
669.Chokin' Kojak
670.Whippin' the pony
671.Winding the watch
672.Squeeze it squeeze it
673.Doin' the old ya-da-ta-da
674.Shaking hands with the governor
675.Onan Up
676.Whacksin Nostalgic
677.Spittin' at the witch
678.Crankin' the corona
679.Grippin' the spigot
680.Churnin' The Butter
681.Taking his medication
682.Being your own best friend
683.Wankin the weasel
684.Playing with your hand puppet
685.Taking the bullet out of the chamber
686.Lubin' the tube
687.Tugging yer slug
688.Having a five-knuckle-shuffle
689.Having an assignation with the five-fingered widow
690.Goin' surfin' on mount baldy
691.Shakin' hands with beef
692.All alone in the gas station of love using the self-service pump
693.Studyin'
694.Romancin' the bone
695.Assassinatin' the president
696.Meetin' abraham lincoln
697.Empowerin' the little guy
698.Wappin' your weenie
699.Whippin' the lizard
700.Tamin' the snake
701.A date with Rosie Palmer and her five lovely sisters
702.Glazzing the knuckle
703.Fondlin' The Pheasant
704.Stretchin' the Silly Putty
705.Getting rid of your hangover
706.Pulling a sharp left in the cockpit
707.Cumming in for a landing
708.Russian solitare
709.Ancient Chinese stress reliever
710.The noiseless hobby
711.Playing the drums with your only stick
712.Seeing how red it can get
713.Go Speed Racer Go!
714.A hands-on experience...Sorry, HAND-on experience
715.Killing off the endangered species
716.Family planning with Mrs. Hand
717.Whittlin' the stick
718.What they DON'T teach you in Cub Scouts
719.Marriage counseling
720.Coming sober and realizing your hand isn't as beautiful as you thought.
721.Showing the badge
722.The only harmless way to shoot somebody
723.Catching a case of whackinitis
724.Because your girlfriend can't handle more than 7 times in an hour
725.Best relief for writer's cramp: masturbater's cramp!
726.Learning how to survive in the wilderness
727.Best source of income; if you got paid for it.
728.Having an affair with Mrs. Digits
729.Weed Whacker...NO... Weenie Whacker!
730.Rumplin' the Foreskin in Pandora's Box
731.Slave labor
732.The job with the most rewarding benefits
733.Joining 4H club: Hand, Hard-on, Holding, Happiness.
734.Pounding the pork
735.Salutin' captain winky
736.Caulking your gun
737.Fixing the plumbing
738.Beatin' it with a smile on my face
739.Stroking the monkey
740.Petting the monkey
741.Paintin' breasts on the wall
742.Turning Japanese
743.Paddling My Pork
744.Balls Deep Into Your Fist
745.Coming to grips with reality
746.Getting ahold of yourself
747.So that's what you did when you said you'd be back in 20 seconds!
748.Hand-head
749.Living life in the fast lane and getting pulled over by the Palm Police.
750.What else can be Cindy Crawford at 6:00 AND Pamela Anderson at 9:30?
751.Up periscope!
752.Donating sperm to the Floor Bank
753.Inspecting your Gadget
754.Paying the consequences for shaking the piss off too long
755.Tug-of-war
756.You're not good at sports, you can't sing, so you might as well be good at something
757.A mild sedative
758."Johnny, look at my new squirt gun!
759.You mistook your penis for your boss's hand
760.Gaining an inch
761.Measuring the circumference of your penis
762.Holding on to a family heirloom
763.Tugging on the leash
764.Irrigating the bed
765.Giving the carpet a midnight snack
766.Uprooting a big mushroom
767.Grasping at the opportunity
768.Knocking your hand up
769.Raping your hand
770.Trying on a hand-shaped condom
771."My hand was horny, and I couldn't keep it off of me!"
772.You control the tightness
773.Letting the little prisoners free
774.Having a one night stand with yourself
775.Your hand never has a headache
776.Placing first in Pole-vaulting
777.Praising your single-eyed, hairless god
778.If your hand is part of you, and you are part of your family, then I guess it would be incest
779.Hitchhiking
780.Flexing for the ladies
781.Conditioning your pubic hair
782.You're not beating off, It's getting beaten ON!
783.Because you don't know anyone who would fuck you THAT much
784.Oh, so that's where glue comes from!
785.Why not, I mean, what do you think the president of Hostess was thinking about when Twinkies were invented?
786.If you didn't, your nuts would explode
787.Saluting the Commander
788.Banging the bottle to get that little bit out. (kinda like katsup)
789.Having an Oscar-Meyer moment
790.Burping the baby
791.Burping the hamster
792.Workin' out a better deal
793.Poppin' a willie
794.Shinin' your rifle
795.Visit Mary thumb and her four daughters
796.Shaking the dew off the water lily
797.Trying to make one eyed willy puke
798.Letting the dog sleep
799.Would you like fries with that
800.Playing a little game of five on one
801.Shining your Oscar ( The Award Show)
802.Romancing lady five fingers
803.Beating the Bait
804.Buffing the Banana
805.Burping the Worm
806.Calling Down For More Mayo
807.Charm the Cobra
808.Dropping Stomach Pancakes
809.Hammering Howie
810.Holding Your Sausage Hostage
811.Jackin' the Beanstalk
812.Jelly Roll
813.Jenny Macarthy Jaunt
814.Jiggle the Jewelry
815.One Handed Clapping
816.Pam Anderson Polka
817.Play the Organ
818.Rolling The Fleshy Blunt
819.Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
820.Tease the Python
821.The Sticky Page Rhumba
822.Tickle The Elmo
823.Tussle with Your Muscle
824.White Water Wristing
825.Winding the Jack In The Box
826.Yank My Doodle (It's a Dandy)
827.Five-knuckle chuckle
828.Slapping the flesh ketchup bottle |
