GEORGE CARLINISMS
> >
> > How come wrong numbers are never busy?
> >
> > Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
> >
> > Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
> >
> > Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
> >
> > Does killing time damage eternity?
> >
> > Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
> >
> > Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
> >
> > Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
> >
> > Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
> >
> > Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
> > down
> > the volume on the radio?
> >
> > Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
> > made
> > with real lemons?
> >
> > Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
> >
> > Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
> >
> > Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep
> > it?
> >
> > Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
> >
> > Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
> >
> > Do pilots take crash-courses?
> >
> > Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
> >
> > Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
> >
> > Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just
> > whipped out a quarter?
> >
> > Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
> >
> > Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
> >
> > How can there be self-help "groups"?
> >
> > How do you get off a non-stop flight?
> >
> > How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
> >
> > How many weeks are there in a light year?
> >
> > If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing
> >
> > "Happy Birthday?"
> >
> > If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
> >
> > If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
> >
> > If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
> >
> > If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
> >
> > If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
> >
> > If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl
> >
> > Scout cookies made out of?
> >
> > If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
> >
> > If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way
> > they
> > do?
> >
> > If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
> >
> > If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
> >
> > If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
> >
> > If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
> >
> > If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
> > he
> > become disoriented?
> >
> > Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running
> > child?
> >
> > Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
> >
> > Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already
> > there?
> >
> > Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
> >
> > Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps"
> >
> > |
