WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL
We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of
modern life. But you may have wondered, what if God decided to
install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this:
Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the
following options:
Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS
Press 2 for THANKSGIVING
Press 3 for COMPLAINTS
Press 4 for HEALING
Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS
Press 6 for RAIN
Press 7 for "MIRACLES."
Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS (good luck, we just
guess, too)
Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES OR JUST TO SAY HI.
Press 0 to hear this menu again.
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What if God used the familiar excuse, "I'm sorry, all the angels are
helping other sinners right now. Please stay on the line. Your call
is important to us and will be answered in the order in which it was
received."
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Can you imagine getting these kind of responses as you call God in
prayer:
* If you would like to speak to Gabriel, Press 11. For Michael,
Press 22. For a directory of other Archangels, Press 33.
* If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are
holding, please Press 55. Then wait for the beep and enter the
number of the Psalm.
* To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 62.
Enter his or her social security number, then press the pound (#)
key; then his date of birth, then press the pound (#) key twice.
* For reservations in one of the many Mansions, press the
letters J-O-H-N, then 3-1-6.
* For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of
the earth, where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope, abortion,
and UFOs, please wait until you arrive here, they can only be
understood from a "heavenly perspective."
* To reach Lucifer, Press 666, and your call will be automatically
transferred. PLEASE be careful, your receiver may become VERY
warm.
* Our computers show that you have already called once today.
Please hang up and try tomorrow.
* This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on
Monday, after 9:30am, but before 4:30 ACST (Absolute Celestial
Standard Time).
*** For emergencies refer to your Bible.***
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