A teacher asked one of her pupils, "Can you name our nation's capital?"
The reply was, "Washington DC"
When asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
Q. How many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum?
A. Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.
Q. Why did God invent armadillos?
A. So that Texas rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell.
Q. Where was the toothbrush invented?
A. Oklahoma. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"
Q. Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
A. The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
Q. Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock,
Arkansas burned down?
A. Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
A new law recently passed in North Carolina:
When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
Q. What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?
A. I-40.
Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."
"OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
Q. What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a
hurricane in Florida have in common?
A. Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he
rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here.
My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you still have those big red trucks?"
Q. Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A. 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
Q. What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in he same room?
A. A full set of teeth.
Bill Gates' Message on Life:
For recent high school and college graduates, here is a list of 11 things they did not learn in school. In his book, Bill Gates talks about how feel-good, politically-correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1......Life is not fair; get used to it.
RULE 2......The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3......You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4......If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5......Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.
RULE 6......If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE 7......Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room.
RULE 8......Your school may have done away with winners and
losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9......Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.
Do that on your own time.
RULE 10.....Television is NOT real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11.....Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. |
