STOCK TIPS
A rather inhibited stock investor finally splurged on a luxury
cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had
ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy
himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it
like a child's toy. Somehow the investor, desperately hanging
on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded
island.
Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas
and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for
hours on end, sat under same palm tree. One day, after several
months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat
appeared.
"I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you
on the cruise ship, too?"
"Yes, I was, " he answered. "But where did you get that
rowboat?"
"Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the
reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and
stern from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, what did you use for tools?" asked the man.
"There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on
the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired
it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools.
But, enough of that," she said. "Where have you been living
all this time? I don't see any shelter."
"To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," he
said.
"Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The
investor nodded dumbly.
She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island,
and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp
topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding
stone walk she had laid and around a palm tree. There stood an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
"It's not much, but I call it home." Inside, she said, "Sit
down please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No, thanks," said the man. "One more coconut juice and
I'll throw up!"
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a
crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas."
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink,
and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had
exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always
had a beard?"
"No," the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life
until I ended up on this island."
"Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in
the bathroom cabinet."
The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to
the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell
device honed razor sharp. Next he showered -- not even
attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm
water into the bathroom -- and went back downstairs. He
couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he
walked.
"You look great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and
slip into something more comfortable."
As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada.
After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias,
returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned out of pounded
palm fronds.
"Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very
long time with no companionship. You know what I mean? Have
you been lonely ... is there anything that you really, really
miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that
would be really nice to have right now!"
"Yes there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness.
"There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this
island all alone, it was just ... well, it was impossible."
"Well, it's not impossible, not any more," the woman said.
The man, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly:
"You mean you actually figured out some way I can check the Silicon
Investor?"
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