1) How can I trust my bank to be ready for Y2K when they can?t make the time and temperature sign work properly.
2) To all the corporations putting us on hold when we call customer service: If your product is so successful that you can?t handle the call volume, then why can?t you afford to hire more customer reps?
3) Maybe we should sell handguns by prescription only and let people buy Prozac at trade shows.
4) It?s amazing that people moan about ATM fees more that the government taking 40 cents out of every dollar we earn.
5) You know it?s bad when your wife comes home and says, ?Oh hello sweetie How?s my precious? Did you have a nice day sweetheart?? .... And she is talking to the DOG!
6) Why is it every time I subscribe to a magazine for two years I get a renewal notice in six months?
7) If aliens are smart to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on Earth?
8) Why is it that when you talk to God you?re praying, but when he talks to you, you?re crazy?
9) My wife and I always compromise. I admit I?m wrong, and she agrees with me.
10) What ever happened to saying, ?I?m sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number? before hanging up?
11) Why is it that all the semi drivers who cut me off or pull in front of me never seem to have that ?How?s My Driving?? telephone number on the back of their trucks?
12) Why is the media telling us the new millennium starts at the end of this year, when it actually starts on January 1, 2001?
13) If money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it so badly?
14) All this talk about how congress should spend the budget surplus has me wondering.... Isn?t it my money and if there?s any left shouldn?t I get a refund?
15) Remember when FM radio meant lots of music and hardly any commercials?
16) Wouldn?t it be a great source of entertainment and embarrassment if they put alarms sirens and flashing lights on Supermarket cash registers set up for 10 items or less. Scan the 11th item and we know who flunked the math in grade school!!
17) If tongue, navel, nose, and all around-the -ear piercing are cool, thank goodness I?m old.
18) How come professional athletes never ask to renegotiate their contracts for LESS money after they have a bad season?
19) Memo to CNN: ?Breaking News? should be NEW information, not more of the same old stuff you?ve been telling us all day.
20) When the media does it, it?s called ?news coverage? When an individual does it, it?s called ?stalking?
21) Tell me : when did voyeurism, invasion of privacy and lack of insensitivity became synonymous with journalism?
22) I?ve decided if I ever get a luxury car, I?m going to spend a little extra money and get the one with the turn signals.
23) Why is it OK to obscure part of the program I?m watching with a weather warning map, but not OK to obscure a commercial?
24) If men could run the world, why can?t they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
25) Rap is to music as etch-a-sketch is to art!
26) Does anyone else think it?s funny that Success magazine has filed for bankruptcy?
27) The money from the tobacco settlement should be used to fight illiteracy, since people can?t seem to read the Surgeon General?s warning.
28) I?m delighted that MCI WorldCom is merging with Sprint. That?s one less phone solicitor to harass me at dinnertime. |
