HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car
and point a hair dryer at passing cars
to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom.
(Don't disguise your voice.)
3) Insist that your e mail address is:
Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.
4) Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with
that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join
you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk
and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3
weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks,
write 'for sexual favors.
'
10) Reply to everything someone says with,
"That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with
"In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so
that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area. Insist to others
that you like it that way.
13) Don't use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather
than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are.
16) Specify that your drive-through
order is "to go."
17) Sing Along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why
the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and
buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
one day after your boss does. (This is
especially effective if your boss is the
opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the
company to tell them what you're doing.
For example: If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the bathroom.
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
22) Five days in advance, tell your
friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies
24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess"
25) Have your co-workers address you
by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream
"I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
27) When leaving the Zoo, start running
towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices
in my head that bother me, its the voices
in your head that do"
29) Tell your children over dinner.
Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go"
30) Everytime you see a broom yell
Honey, your mother is here" |
