Urinalysis
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says
to Mike behind him, My elbow hurts like hell. I guess
I better see a doctor. Listen, you don't have to spend
that kind of money, Mike replies. There's a diagnostic
computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a
urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong
and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs
ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor.
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes
it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the
computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He
pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
you have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and
avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was, Jack began to wonder if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture
for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore,
eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars,
pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints out the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant ...with twin girls. They aren't
yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow
will never get better. |
