Subject: Darned Good Quotes.
"Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
--- Robin Williams
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look
that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
" ---Dave Barry
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
--- Lewis Grizzard
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job.
But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of
the night, drop them off at the wrong houses."
--- Jeff Foxworthy
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
--- Robin Williams
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base."
--- Dave Barry
"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake
and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you
how to swim.'"
---Paula Poundstone
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
---Conan O'Brien
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
--- Lynda Montgomery
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold
enough. Let's go west.'"
---Richard Jeni
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be
dead."
---Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
---Paul Rodriguez
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
---Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of
Congress...
But I repeat myself."
--- Mark Twain |
