A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks, "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?"
The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with her snatch.
"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother.
So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night. While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough.
She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough. Expecting to only pick up the biscuit she had a very unexpected episode of gas, which made a thunderous growling sound.
Her husband startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.
"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.
He replied, " Shit woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing growls like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to tease it with meat!"
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Learning he had a rare disease whose only cure was mother's milk, Mr. Shipman took out a personal ad looking for a nursing mother. To his delight, he found a woman almost at once and, after agreeing on a price, he went up to her apartment.
As it happened, Mr. Shipman had incredibly soft lips, and an active tongue, and after five minutes of nursing, the woman was almost beside herself with passion.
"Is there anything else I can offer you?" she panted.
Smiling impishly, Mr. Shipman responded,
"If it's not too much trouble, do you happen to have any Oreos?
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A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop
taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone." |
