PREGNANCY QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Here are some real answers to some real questions regarding pregnancy:
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline psychotic.
A. So what's your question?
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. No, unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.
Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only-doctors, nurses, orderlies,
photographers,florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. |
