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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Barney who wrote (15738)8/22/2000 6:35:03 AM
From: sandintoes  Read Replies (2) of 62567
 
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' CHARTS:

1) Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

2) Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3) On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4) The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5) The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6) Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7) Healthy appearing decrepit 69 yo male, mentally alert but
forgetful.

8) The patient refused autopsy.

9) The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10) Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11) Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past 3 days.

12) Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13) Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14) Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.

15) She is numb from her toes down.

16) While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17) The skin was moist and dry.

18) Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19) Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20) She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

21) Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.

22) I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23) Both breast are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24) Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25) The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26) The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

27) Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28) The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29) Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30) Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31) She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
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