"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he
set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the
farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful
daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I
wanted. I said no, everything is fine. 'Are you sure?' she asked. 'I'm
sure,' I said. 'Isn't there anything I can do for you?' she wanted to
know. 'I reckon not' I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your
leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on
me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
****
There was two businessmen, whose names happened to be Mr. Turtle and Mr.
Carrot and one day, as they were coming back from lunch, Mr. Turtle says
to Mr.Carrot, "You know, you're getting fat."
To which Mr Carrot says, "You're not so slim yourself!"
So Mr. Turtle says, "Okay, we'll see who is the least fit, race you back
to the office."
So the race starts and they had only got about a block down the street
when Mr. Turtle crosses the road in front of a car and gets bowled. Mr.
Carrot sees that he's in a pretty bad way, so he rushes to the phone and
calls Mr. Cabbage, the ambulance driver. Mr. Cabbage duly arrives and
piles Mr. Turtle into the ambulance and rushes to V-8 hospital. Mr.
Carrot follows and as soon as he gets
to the hospital he asks the nurse, Miss Cauliflower, whether he will be
alright.
"Miss Cauliflower, Miss Cauliflower, will Mr. Turtle be alright?"
She replies, "Well, I couldn't really say, you'll have to ask Dr. Bean."
So he rushes over to Doctor Bean and says, "Doctor Bean, Doctor Bean,
will Mr. Turtle be alright?"
And the Doctor says, "Well, I wouldn't like to say, you'd best ask the
specialist, Doctor Pea."
So of course, Mr. Carrot rushes over to Doctor Pea and says, "Doctor
Pea, Doctor Pea, will Mr. Turtle be alright?"
And Doctor Pea says, "I've done all I can for him, it's all in the hands
of the Surgeon, Dr. Turnip."
So Mr. Carrot waits outside the surgery for three hours until they have
finished the operation and rushes up to Dr. Turnip and says, "Doctor
Turnip, Doctor Turnip, will Mr Turtle be alright?"
And Dr. Turnip turns to him and says, "We did all we could, but I'm
afraid he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life..."
***
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the
diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must
be
something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of
anything that might be doing this to your knees?"
"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex
doggy-style on the floor every night."
"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other
positions and ways to have sex, you know."
"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.
***
There are several kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be
differentiated by the following method:
General Practitioners know nothing and do little.
Surgeons know little and do everything.
Internists knows everything and do nothing.
Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too
late.
***
Death: What some patients do, in the end, to humiliate the doctor. |
