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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: The Philosopher who wrote (17082)12/1/2000 8:01:44 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
Subject: Redneck - you might be..

If you take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

If you can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

If your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

If your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

If the Salvation Army declines your mattress.

If your entire family ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

If you offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

If you come back from the dump with more than you took.

If the trunk of your car is tied down and you're not hauling anything.

If you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

If your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

If your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

If you've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

If you think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

If you've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

If you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

If your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

If you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

If you go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

If you know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

If you have a rag for a gas cap.

If your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

If you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

If you can spit without opening your mouth.

If you consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

If you think Dom Perigon is a Mafia leader.

If your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

If you sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

If your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to help him take the wheels off.
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