little johnny jokes
Philosophy:
> A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
> shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
> He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first shot.
> The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking".
> Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU.
> There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
> One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
> scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
> The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's
> gobbled down the top and sucked the cone"
> To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is
> the one with the wedding ring on, . . . but I like your thinking.
>
> ************************************************************
> Math Class:
> Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> "Why?" asks the father.
> "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?'
> I said '6'"
> "But that's right!"
> "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
> "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
> "That's what I said!
>
> ***************************************************************
> English:
> Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says,
> 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody
> have
> an example of a multi-syllable word?'
> Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
> Miss Rogers: 'All right, little Johnny, what is your
> multi-syllable word?'
> Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
> Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful..'
> Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob"..
>
> ************************************************************
> Grammar:
> Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he
> needed to go to the bathroom.
> He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
> The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the
> proper word to use in this situation.
> The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please
> use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to
> go."
> Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you
> had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
>
> ************************************************************
> Beautiful:
> One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the
> teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could
> use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
> First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
> "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in
> it." Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
> She then called on little Michael.
> "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
> out beautifully," he said.
> "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
> "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my
> father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ....just fucking
> beautiful!'" |
