“In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea
‘Axis of Evil”-N.Y. Times, 1/30/02
Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed
for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China,
and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of
Just as Evil,” which they said would be way eviler
than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President
Bush warned of his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed
the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb
name. “Right. They are Just as Evil... in their
dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
“Everybody knows we’re the best evils... best at being
evil... we’re the best.”
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over
being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if
they could join the Axis of Evil.
“They told us it was full,” said Syrian President
Bashar al-Assad.
“An Axis can’t have more than three countries,”
explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. “This is not
my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had
Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can
only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is
wicked cool.”
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil
declaration was swift, as within minutes, France
surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what became a game of
geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they
had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia
to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of
Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and
Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really
As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the
desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador,
and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries
That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to
Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia
formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite
Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America,
while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the
Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear
Lipstick.
“That’s not a threat, really, just something we like
to do,” said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world
weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush
granted approval for most axes, although he rejected
the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names
End in “Guay,” accusing one of its members of filing a
false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay,
and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn’t want to join any
Axis, but privately, world leaders said that’s only
because no one asked them. |
