the news..SPECIAL PLACE FOR DAD
Since 1956, Wesley "Pop" XXXXX has been convicted of five felonies. He has now violated his parole by brandishing a gun at his neighbor, so, the 94 year-old guy is headed back to prison. He doesn't seem to mind as he was quoted as saying, "I'd rather go to jail then a nursing home."
EVENT OF THE YEAR
Last week there was a women-only bull fight in Madrid. A 21 year-old bullfighter was showered with bras, panties, and carnations, after he killed seven bulls.
DID YOU MISS IT
Last week in Melbourne, Gaslight Music had their annual Nude Day. Any customer who arrived nude was given a free buffet and CD. The staff who served was also nude.
HEAVY CARGO
French police escorted a truck carrying 300,000 test tubes of frozen semen from one hospital to another. Thanks to tight security, the convoy was able to make its delivery without incident.
GREAT CAUSE
Manuel XXXXX, 37, has gone on a hunger strike. He vows not to eat until the Town of Somerville, MA, where he lives carries a TV channel in Portuguese.
WELL PLANNED
Benjamin River - [Canada] - Consider the plight of poor Mark XXXXX. He attempted suicide by pouring gasoline into the interior of his car and lit it as he drove it into the front room of his estranged girlfriend's home. Failing in his suicide attempt, but managing to burn the house down, he has now pled guilty to arson.
IS THE GRAND CANYON AVAILABLE
Sacramento, CA - [U.S.] - The California State Assembly rushed to correct a resolution that proclaimed Yellowstone National Park as one of the state's most treasured tourist attractions. Wonder how Wyoming would have felt about this?
WHO'S A WIMP
Boston, MA - [U.S.] - Debra XXXXX was arrested for refusing to leave the men's side of the weight lifting room at a Boston gym. She argued the weights on the women's side were not heavy enough as she can leg press 600 pounds and curl 65 pounds. The gym was segregated because women did not like to work out in front of men.
REVENGE
London - [England] - A gang of thieves found that the police impounded their get-a-way car with a safe from their last heist still inside. So, they broke into the police station and stole their car back. The car has since been recovered note the police, but the safe was no longer in the car, and the robbers are still on the loose.
CRUEL PUNISHMENT
Rome - [Italy] - A 32 year-old Italian man was under house arrest as he awaited appeal on a robbery conviction. He pleaded with the local police to 'put me in prison', as his mothers constant nagging was driving him crazy. His request was denied. 'Sorry, you must stay home with mama,' they responded.
SHE MEANS IT
Norristown, PA - [U.S.] - When William XXXX's old girlfriend got out of prison, she went to visit him at the liquor store he manages. She wanted his assurance they would get back together. When he hesitated in his response, she broke 23 bottles of booze, forced him into a chair and sat on him until he agreed to renew their relationship. But love will have to wait as she's on her way back to prison for assault.
CAN'T WAIT
San Juan - [Puerto Rico] - A cruise ship passenger had an urgent need, so he climbed over a railing to urinate in the ocean. The 20 year-old man managed to fall overboard, dropping 75 feet into the ocean. The ship continued on its way after learning the passenger swam four miles to land.
EASY TO SPOT
Melbourne - [Australia] - Police are on the lookout for burglars who stole drugs from an impotency clinic. "If used incorrectly, the drugs can cause five-day erections," a clinic spokesman said.
STOCK TIP
Zhengzhou - [China] - Some smart capitalist built a two story public toilet, in which they intend to make their fortune. On the first floor you will find walls covered with world famous paintings, a shower, and marble dressing table. On the second floor they offer reception room, telephone, fax machine, television, sound system, air conditioning, sofa, tea table, and hot water for making the tea.
WHO ME
Davis, CA - [U.S.] - Sari XXXXX snores so loud that her next door neighbor Chris XXX could hear her. This led Chris to complain to the city who cited her for violating the town noise ordinance. Sari fought the charge and won as snoring is not a 'willful act' under the law. Not good enough for Chris who has filed a $24,500 civil action for emotional distress and medical expenses.
SMELLS GREAT
Ebes - [Hungary] - A woman visiting relatives decided to get something to eat, so she leaned into the sauerkraut barrel. She was so overcome by the fumes that she passed out into the barrel and drowned in 12" of cabbage juice.
STAR IS BORN
Warsaw - [Poland] - Jacek XXXXX was named 'Peasant of the Year' after arm wrestling, singing a folk song, and getting one-fifth of a pint of milk from a cow in 25 seconds.
CLUCK CLUCK
Newport News, RH - [ U.S.] - Katherine was somewhat surprised as she placed on plates, the chicken wings she just purchased from McDonalds. One piece looked somewhat different from the rest, as it had a beak and eyes. Calling the restaurant manager, she was offered a refund or more chicken. She took the refund and served grilled cheese sandwiches instead.
ONLY JACKSON'S PLEASE
Kalida, OK - [U.S.] - The former secretary of Michael's Roman Catholic Church was convicted of stealing $411,000 from the church collection plates over a four year period. This came to light when someone questioned why they never deposited twenty dollar bills. It was thought that if she had left a few twenties, instead of lifting all, she never would have been caught.
IMAGE
Ovens - [Ireland] - The community of Ovens in southwest Ireland does not want a crematorium to be installed in their local church. They believe its installation will give their community a "bad" name.
MERCI MONSIEUR
Paris - [France] - A Frenchman was a little upset that he had to pay taxes on his gambling winnings. Using one-franc coins, he hired three armored trucks to deliver the 3,730,606 francs to the tax office. The tax people greeted him with a smile and thanked him. |
