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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: John Carragher who wrote (24420)	8/15/2002 4:49:15 PM
From: SofaSpud	Read Replies (1) of 62550

Joan Rivers one liners: A recent study found that during a seven-hour sleep period, a healthy senior will wake 153 times. 152 of those just to check if he's still alive. Don't talk to me about Valentine's Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work. You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police The guys I'm dating are old. To them "going all the way" means making it to the bathroom on time. Last night I was on stage performing and a woman in the front row was nursing a child. Can you imagine nursing a child in the front row? The kid was fifteen years old! Thank God it wasn't hers. I was dating an older guy and it was awful. Every time he gave me a hickey he left his teeth in my neck On my wedding night, I had never seen a naked man before. My husband came out of the bathroom...I hung my blouse on him My boobs have dropped so far--I can give myself a breast examination with my toes. I was dating an older guy. He said, "Do you want to meet my parents?" I said, "Sure." He took me to the cemetery You have to be careful when you date older men. They don't tell you the truth. A friend of mine dated an older man who never told her that he was wearing a hearing aid. She stuck her tongue in his ear and was electrocuted. You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it! You know you're getting old when you walk into a room and forget what you came in for--and you're in the bathroom! You know you're getting old when you have to put tenderizer on puffed rice. Today is Valentine's day, but I'm not celebrating. At my age when something involves hearts and flowers it's a coronary and a funeral. My body is in terrible shape. If I were in Afghanistan I couldn't win a wet burka contest. The only good thing about getting old is people no longer think you're a hypochondriac. ?Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.?

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