Long ago cursing and beating a stick into the ground was called
> witchcraft...............
> Today, it's called golf.
> ---------------------------------------------
> Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
> and start bragging about it..
> ----------------------------------------------
> The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
> ----------------------------------------------
> Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to
> know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
> roads weren't paved.
> ---------------------------------------------
> How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
> ----------------------------------------------
> When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
> think of Algebra.
> ---------------------------------------------
> You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
> ----------------------------------------------
> One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such
> a nice change from being young.
> ----------------------------------------------
> One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
> ----------------------------------------------
> Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
> -----------------------------------------------
> Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald,
> they don't recognize you.
> ----------------------------------------------
> If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to
> laugh at when you are old.
> ---------------------------------------------
> First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull
> up your zipper, then ...
> Oh No! you forgot to pull your zipper down!
> ----------------------------------------------
> If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in
> a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker??
> ----------------------------------------------
> And best of all....
> I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
>
Thought for the day......
> There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra than Alzheimer's research. This means that
by 2020, there should be a large elderly population
with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.
Subject: Italian Cookies - True joke for Italians!!
Even if you're not Italian...
For all the Italians out there, or those who are lucky enough to be married
to an Italian!
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies
of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian
anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and
with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs.
>>
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen
table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies.
>>
Was it heaven?
>>
Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of
sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
>>
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the
wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing
him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie
at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his
wife......
"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
OR CHOPPED LIVER FOR THE SHIVER----CW |
