Dear God,
> When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old
> story?
>
> Dear God,
> Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
>
> Dear God,
> Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the
> colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How
> often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would
it
> be
> sohard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
>
> Dear God,
> If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he
> still a bad dog?
>
> Dear God,
> We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
> horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and
> Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
>
> Dear God,
> More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
>
> Dear God,
> When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
>
> Dear God,
> Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
>
> Dear God,
> Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a
> good dog, it's a very long list, but I do the best I can:
> --I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it
> up.
> --I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
> like the way they smell.
> --I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they
> are tasty, they are not food.
> --The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> --The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
> --The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> --My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
> --I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
> driver's license and registration.
> --I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
> toilet.
> --Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
> saying 'hello.'
> --I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
> coffee table.
> --I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
> --I will not throw up in the car.
> --I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the
> carpet.
> --I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
> company is over.
> --The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that
> noise, it's usually not a good thing.
> I try God, reeaallly I do.
>
> Dear God,
> When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back? Pleeese??
>
> Thank you God. |
