Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke Message Board

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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (30470)	1/29/2004 1:51:14 AM
From: Neeka	Read Replies (1) of 62558

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall". ~Eleanor Roosevelt Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister ... and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. ~Les Dawson By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. ~Ed Furgol Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~Spike Milligan What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. ~Henny Youngman Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'. ~Joe Namath Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope A woman drove me to drink .. and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. ~W.C. Fields I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ~W.C. Fields It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. ~George Burns We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.. ~Unknown Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~Unknown The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good .. spit it out. ~Unknown By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. ~Unknown It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. - Unknown

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