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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Jagfan who wrote (31982)7/27/2004 7:19:26 PM
From: mph  Read Replies (1) of 62571
 
1. Sign in a headhunter's open market in darkest Africa:

Ordinary brains $9/lb

Engineer brains $12/lb

Doctor brains $11/lb

Accountant brains $10/lb

Consultant brains $97/lb

Asked to explain the high cost of consultant brains, the proprietor said "You don't know how many consultants we have to catch to get a pound of brains!"

2. A consultant is an ordinary person 50 miles from home with a briefcase.

3. A consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time, and then keeps your watch.

4. A consultant who came upon hard times and had lost quite a few clients was forced to have a serious economic discussion with his wife and told her that they would simply have to cut back. "If you can learn to cook, we can get rid of the cook," to which the wife replied "Yes, dear, and if you can learn how to make love we can get rid of the gardener too."

5. A consultant's credo: Learn to be sincere even if you have to fake it.

6. A consultant is someone who comes in to solve a problem and stays around long enough to become part of it.

7. A tomcat who was fixed because he'd been bothering so many neighbors at night still continued to go out ... calling himself a consultant.

8. The Senior Partner in a prominent consulting firm died and headed for heaven, but was politely told by St. Peter to get into the Management Consultant line. Soon after he saw someone else come along, say he was a consultant and get right in. He complained, to which St. Peter responded "That was God. He only thinks he's a management consultant."

9. One consultant, told he was a pain in the neck, said he was glad to have been moved up.

10. A client with one consultant knows what to do. A client with two consultants is never sure.

11. Please don't tell my mother I'm a consultant. She thinks I play guitar in a strip joint.
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