Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner Product
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so
you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all
TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of
your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to
tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner
into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the
dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and
cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner,
enter the ingredients of the dinner found on the
package label, the weight of the dinner, and the
desired level of cooking and press start. The oven
will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner
exactly to your specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in
which case your oven must be restarted. This is a
simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and
enter:
ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap
This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging
the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this
doesn't work, contact your oven vendor. The oven
itself is obviously on the blink.
Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far
too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many
useless compartments, most of which are empty. These
are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to
fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your
equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets,
and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If
you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they
will explain that you really don't want another
variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all
smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future
releases will only be in the larger family size.
Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must
be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after
'98. However, that version has yet to be released.
Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.
Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other
dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to
self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your
freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway. |
