Q: Why did the army send so many premenstrual women to the Gulf?
A: Because they fought like animals and retained water for four days.
Q: What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A: A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than
improving their minds?
A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Three dogs, a Spaniel, an Alsatian and a Great Dane are sitting in
the vet's waiting room. They start chatting. The Spaniel, it
transpires, caused a fatal car accident, while the Alsatian savaged a paperboy. Both are there to be put down. The Great Dane had mounted his mistress while she bent over to clean the bath and had his way. "So you're here to be put down too?" asks the Spaniel. "No," replies the Dane, "I'm here to get my nails clipped."
Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the bonnet of
their car. "Quick sister," screams one nun, "Show him your cross!"
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Oi! You! Fuck off!"
Q. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A. Spit, swallow and gargle
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
A woman tells her friend she's received a bunch of flowers from her husband. "I suppose I'll have to spend the entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air," she says, to which her friend
replies, "Why, don't you have a vase?"
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