A few good jokes.
This guy's at the local make out point with his girlfriend, and they're "getting it on" when she suddenly stops.
"What's wrong?" the puzzled guy askes.
"Well," she replies "I've heard some pretty disgusting things about you."
"Like what?" he askes.
"Well, I heard you were a pediphile."
"Pediphile!" the guy exclaims, "that's a big word for an eight-year-old!"
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A man was in temple moaning and crying. The rabbi comes up and asks: "what's the matter?"
The man responds: "My business has collapsed, I've lost everything in the market, I'm heavily in debt, I owe everyone. I don't know what to do."
"I can help you," said the rabbi. You just have to do what I say."
"I'll do anything." The man moaned.
"First you must read the bible for 2 hours, then pray for 2 hours, then when you go to bed, put the bible under your pillow. When you wake up, close your eyes, open the bible to a random page and put your finger on a line on the page. Do what ever the line suggests. Your troubles will leave you, I'm sure of it."
The man thanked the rabbi, left the temple, and did everything the rabbi told him to do.
A couple of months later the rabbi is walking down the street when a big limo pulls up
and there is the man waving to the rabbi from the back window. He seems very happy.
Rabbi: "I've been wondering about you, what happened?
"I read for 2 hrs reading, prayed for 2 hrs., went to bed with the bible under my pillow. In the morning closed my eyes and randomly chose a line from the bible... it all worked out"
"What line did you choose?/ asked the rabbi, somewhat astonished.
"Chapter 11" was the reply.
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A man is flying a kite in the backyard with his son.
The kite is flying poorly.
The wife yells out the kitchen window,"You need more tail".
The father says to his son,"Last night she told me to Go Fly a Kite".
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Three women shopping.
First says,"I named my daughter Brandy as I like to eat brandy".
Second says,"I named mine Candy as I like to eat candy".
Third says,"Come here Peter".
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Two nuns are returning to the convent after doing some shopping on >their bicycles. One says, "I've never come this way before." The other says, "It must be the cobblestones."
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What is the Pope going to give Michael Jackson if he gets caught>molesting more boys?
...............His own parish.
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One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. His wife turns over and
says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I
want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment
tomorrow too?"
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A new ride at DisneyWorld. It's called Princess Diana last car ride. |
