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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Terry Jackson who wrote (4027)12/1/1997 12:07:00 PM
From: T.R.  Read Replies (1) of 62558
 
They say she's super woman....

Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
>
> December 1
> Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn
> upside
> down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
>
> December 2
> Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
> answering machine.
>
> December 3
> Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion
> cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
>
> December 4
> Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
>
> December 5
> Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
>
> December 6
> Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for
> consideration.
>
> December 7
> Debug Windows '95
>
> December 10
> Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
>
> December 11
> Lay Faberge egg.
>
> December 12
> Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
>
> December 13
> Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly
> for
> decorative pie crusts.
>
> December 14
> Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
>
> December 15
> Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case
> tires
> are shot out at mall.
>
> December 17
> Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
>
> December 19
> Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same
> height
> when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
>
> December 20
> Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to
> add
> a festive sparkle to the pasture.
>
> December 21
> Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and
> cinnamon sticks.
>
> December 22
> Float votive candles in toilet tank.
>
> December 23
> Seed clouds for white Christmas.
>
> December 24
> Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in
> last
> minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less
> inadequate
> than they really are.
>
> December 25
> Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with
> homemade potpourri.
>
> December 26
> Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
>
> December 27
> Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
>
> December 31
> New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in
> each
> time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
>
>
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