WORDS FROM WOMEN.................
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. - Rita Rudner
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. - Roseanne
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog, or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet, or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters. - Susie Loucks
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" - Judy Tenuta
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant.
- Carol Leifer
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to.
- Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
- Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum, 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
- Roseanne
I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky
I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. - Dolly Parton
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT? - Wendy Liebman
I think - therefore I'm single. - Lizz Winstead
"Any girl can be glamourous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - Gilda Radner
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." - Maryon Pearson
"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." - Bella Abzug
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher
"If I were going to convert to any religion, I would probably choose Catholicism, because it, at least, has female saints, and the Virgin Mary." - Margaret Atwood
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem
"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."
- Gloria Steinem
Sometimes, I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door, and just visit now and then." - Katharine Hepburn
"I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog, which growls every morning, a parrot, which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night." - Marie Corelli
"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths."
- Baroness Edith Summerskill
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor |
