SCORING POINTS WITH HILLARY (COURTESY FIBERMAN):
Below are scenarios about how Bill Clinton can score points (or lose them) with Hillary.
Scoring is in Guy Points, since anyone who has read John Gray (Mars and Venus)
knows that Gals score on a -1, 0, and 1 scale.
Simple Duties
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You take the garbage out: +1
You go out to buy her feminine hygiene products: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: +1
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel the suspicious noise with a six iron: +10
It's her father: -10
Social Engagements
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You stay by her side the entire party: +1
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an
intern buddy: -10
Named Monica: -100
Monica is an intern who like to dancer: -1,000
Monica dances on tables, sometimes: -10,000
Monica has breast implants: -100,000
Monica has her own show on the late night NYC adult
channel: -1,000,000
Saturday Afternoons
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You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
And the television is off: -6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your
underwear: -6
And it's not your underwear: -25
Her Birthday
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You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your
favorite team: -10
You give her a gift: 0
You give her a gift, and it's a bird dog: -10
You give her a gift, and it's not a bird dog: +1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
With her credit card: -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40
And whatever you bought is the wrong color: -50
Thoughtfulness
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You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50
A Night Out with Your Pals
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You have a few beers: -9
For every beer after three: -3 per beer
And miss curfew by an hour: -12
You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
And you're not wearing any pants: -40
Is that a tattoo? -50
Is the name Monica any where in the tattoo? -60 and must include all qualifying scores
from the Social Engagements section
A Night Out, Just The Two of You
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You go see a comic: +2
He's crude and sexist: -2
You laugh: -5
You laugh too much: -10
She's not laughing: -15
You laugh harder: -25
Driving
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You lose the directions on a trip: -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town & meet the locals up close & personal: -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60
Communication
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When she wants to talk about a sex scam problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a
concerned expression: 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a
newspaper: +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10
(THIS IS FROM FIBERMAN) |
