COLLECTION OF ALL HEADLINES
In order received, with the party responsible, (or irresponsible, as the case may be)
WARNING: DO NOT BE DRINKING ANYTHING WHILE READING THESE;
ARAFAT ADVISES SLICK: GOATS DON'T TALK
(BOB DIXON)
MONICA TRIPPS PREZ, DENIES TRYST WITH HEAD OF STATE, WILLIE JOINS BIMBO BOINKERS ANONYMOUS
(JAMES BOWERS)
INTERN VISITS OVAL OFFICE WHILE PREZ VISITS OVAL ORIFICE
(JAMES BOWERS)
HEAD OF STATE ORDERED TO IWS STUDY BY JUSTICE DEPT.
(PETE ROKER)
FROM WATERGATE TO TAILGATE
(ANDREW COTHRAN [WINNER OF THE QUADRUPLE ENTENDRE AWARD])
ZIPPERGATE LOOMS, MONICA RETREATS
(PETE ROKER)
CLINTON ATTEMPTS TO CALM MARKET JITTERS, OFFERS INVESTMENT ADVICE: DUMP CSCO, BUY CRISCO
(JAMES BOWERS, [my personal choice for favorite headline])
SLICK SCHEDULED FOR IN-DEPTH INTERVIEW WITH MARIA BARTAROMO?
(PETE ROKER)
CLINTON: MONICA SUCKS
(JANICE SHELL, WINNER OF THE FIRST KNOWN FEMALE HEADLINE AWARD)
MONICA BLOWS THE WRONG ONE
(ALEX M.)
TRIPP TAKES TIP FROM SHIPP, "SLICK DREAMED HE DID IT"
(GEO. COYNE)
STATE OF THE REUNION
(JAMES BOWERS)
IF IT DOESN'T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT!
(DAVID S.)
RENO PROBES MSFT IN ERROR, CONFUSED BILL GATES WITH BILLGATE
(DIANE)
PAULA SAID NO, MONICA SAID GO
(JAMES BOWERS)
FORNIGATE
(DALE SINOR)
HE SHAGGED HER ROTTEN, BABY
(JOHN MARUSICH)
CUBAN DICTATOR GREETS POPE; AMERICAN DICKTATOR ON SLIPPERY SLOPE
(ROGER WILCO)
ORAL IS MORAL
(GAUGUIN)
MONICA: "I THINK I BLEW IT"
(PETE ROKER)
MONICA: I DIDN'T INHALE
(JEFFERSON)
MONICA CONFESSES SHE SPOKE WITH TONGUE IN CHEEK
(JANICE SHELL)
GOING GETS HARD, MONICA CHOKES
(JEFFERSON)
PRESS TAKES DEEP BREATH AS SLICK SMOKES POPE
(ALEX M.)
PAULA AND MONICA AGREE ON HEAD OF STATE
(PETE ROKER)
LEWINSKY LEARNS LESSON: DC GETS HER GOING AND COMING
(JEFF NOLDER)
PAULA AND MONICA: CUNNING STUNTS?
(PETE ROKER [VERIFED TRIPLE ENTENDRE])
MONICA OPENS UP; CLINTON COMES CLEAN
(JANICE SHELL)
WHITE HOUSE OBFUSCATES: SOUNDS LIKE SNOWJOB
(RON MILTON)
PEROT TELLS PAULA'S LAWYERS: "I HEARD GIANT SUCKING SOUND."
(JANICE SHELL)
MONICA CLAIMS SOURCE OF STORY IS NUTS
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
MONICA SWALLOWS HARD; TAKES THE FIFTH
(P.T. BURNEM)
"SMOKING GUN"- WHITE HOUSE HEAD MAY BE FORCED INTO PREMATURE WITHDRAWAL
(JEFFERSON)
STARR DATE 1998.23.01- PRESIDENT'S LOG
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
WHITE HOUSE MEMBER MISHANDLED
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
MONICA ADMITS BONER, WAS LYING DOWN ON JOB
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
BILL RELIEVED BY ACT OF CONGRESS
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
STARR STIFFS PRESS, WHITE HOUSE MOUNTS OFFENSIVE
(JANICE SHELL)
MONICA REFUSES TO SPIT IT OUT
(ROM HAGER)
CLINTON IDENTIFIED AS UNIBANGER
(GEORGE EBERTING, SAYS HE DIDN'T WRITE IT)
MONICA DISMISSES ORAL POLE, LEAVES BILL ON TABLE
(ALEX M.)
CLINTON TAKES IN-YOUR-FACE APPROACH WITH INTERN
(ROGER WILCO)
INTERN CHOKES UNDER PRESSURE, SPITS OUT EVIDENCE
(PETE ROKER)
WHITE HOUSE STAFF DISCOVERS ONE EYED MOUSE
(LARRY SCOTT)
MONICA BLOWS CLINTON PRESIDENCY
(VIRGINIUS POSHKUS)
HILLARY BOINKS VERN; SAYS, "IT'S MY TURN"
(JAMES BOWERS)
INTERN PROGRAM CHANGED TO "YOURTURN" PROGRAM
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
HILLARY HOT, DRESS SHOWS SPOT, STARR JACKPOT, SLICK SAYS, "NOT" , (SMOKED POT AND THEN FORGOT?), INTERN SHOT, IDIOT!
(PETE ROKER)
CLINTON STANDS BEHIND MONICA IN PROBE
(RICHAAARD [personal vote for best moniker])
MONICA KEEPS A STIFF UPPER LIP IN FACE OF CLINTON SCAM
(RICHAAARD)
MONICA: I DIDN'T SWALLOW
(AL CERN)
MONICA BLOWS SAME OPPORTUNITY THAT BLEW AWAY PAULA
(GEO. COYNE)
MONICA SWALLOWS HARD AND AGREES TO SPIT OUT THE TRUTH
(JAMES BOWERS)
MONICA LASHES OUT AT PRESS: "I DON'T KNOW DICK!"
(JANICE SHELL) |
