ALL HEADLINES COLLECTED
in the order they were received.
ARAFAT ADVISES SLICK: GOATS DON'T TALK
(BOB DIXON)
MONICA TRIPPS PREZ, DENIES TRYST WITH HEAD OF STATE, WILLIE JOINS BIMBO BOINKERS ANONYMOUS
(JAMES BOWERS)
INTERN VISITS OVAL OFFICE WHILE PREZ VISITS OVAL ORIFICE
(JAMES BOWERS)
HEAD OF STATE ORDERED TO IWS STUDY BY JUSTICE DEPT.
(PETE ROKER)
FROM WATERGATE TO TAILGATE
(ANDREW COTHRAN [WINNER OF THE QUADRUPLE ENTENDRE AWARD])
ZIPPERGATE LOOMS, MONICA RETREATS
(PETE ROKER)
CLINTON ATTEMPTS TO CALM MARKET JITTERS, OFFERS INVESTMENT ADVICE: DUMP CSCO, BUY CRISCO
(JAMES BOWERS, [my personal choice for favorite headline])
SLICK SCHEDULED FOR IN-DEPTH INTERVIEW WITH MARIA BARTAROMO?
(PETE ROKER)
CLINTON: MONICA SUCKS
(JANICE SHELL, WINNER OF THE FIRST KNOWN FEMALE HEADLINE AWARD)
MONICA BLOWS THE WRONG ONE
(ALEX M.)
TRIPP TAKES TIP FROM SHIPP, "SLICK DREAMED HE DID IT"
(GEO. COYNE)
STATE OF THE REUNION
(JAMES BOWERS)
IF IT DOESN'T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT!
(DAVID S.)
RENO PROBES MSFT IN ERROR, CONFUSED BILL GATES WITH BILLGATE
(DIANE)
PAULA SAID NO, MONICA SAID GO
(JAMES BOWERS)
FORNIGATE
(DALE SINOR)
HE SHAGGED HER ROTTEN, BABY
(JOHN MARUSICH)
CUBAN DICTATOR GREETS POPE; AMERICAN DICKTATOR ON SLIPPERY SLOPE
(ROGER WILCO)
ORAL IS MORAL
(GAUGUIN)
MONICA: "I THINK I BLEW IT"
(PETE ROKER)
MONICA: I DIDN'T INHALE
(JEFFERSON)
MONICA CONFESSES SHE SPOKE WITH TONGUE IN CHEEK
(JANICE SHELL)
GOING GETS HARD, MONICA CHOKES
(JEFFERSON)
PRESS TAKES DEEP BREATH AS SLICK SMOKES POPE
(ALEX M.)
PAULA AND MONICA AGREE ON HEAD OF STATE
(PETE ROKER)
LEWINSKY LEARNS LESSON: DC GETS HER GOING AND COMING
(JEFF NOLDER)
PAULA AND MONICA: CUNNING STUNTS?
(PETE ROKER [VERIFED TRIPLE ENTENDRE])
MONICA OPENS UP; CLINTON COMES CLEAN
(JANICE SHELL)
WHITE HOUSE OBFUSCATES: SOUNDS LIKE SNOWJOB
(RON MILTON)
PEROT TELLS PAULA'S LAWYERS: "I HEARD GIANT SUCKING SOUND."
(JANICE SHELL)
MONICA CLAIMS SOURCE OF STORY IS NUTS
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
MONICA SWALLOWS HARD; TAKES THE FIFTH
(P.T. BURNEM)
"SMOKING GUN"- WHITE HOUSE HEAD MAY BE FORCED INTO PREMATURE WITHDRAWAL
(JEFFERSON)
STARR DATE 1998.23.01- PRESIDENT'S LOG
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
WHITE HOUSE MEMBER MISHANDLED
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
MONICA ADMITS BONER, WAS LYING DOWN ON JOB
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
BILL RELIEVED BY ACT OF CONGRESS
(SCOTT PEDIGO)
STARR STIFFS PRESS, WHITE HOUSE MOUNTS OFFENSIVE
(JANICE SHELL)
MONICA REFUSES TO SPIT IT OUT
(ROM HAGER)
CLINTON IDENTIFIED AS UNIBANGER
(GEORGE EBERTING, SAYS HE DIDN'T WRITE IT)
MONICA DISMISSES ORAL POLE, LEAVES BILL ON TABLE
(ALEX M.)
CLINTON TAKES IN-YOUR-FACE APPROACH WITH INTERN
(ROGER WILLCO)
INTERN CHOKES UNDER PRESSURE, SPITS OUT EVIDENCE
(PETE ROKER)
WHITE HOUSE STAFF DISCOVERS ONE EYED MOUSE
(LARRY SCOTT)
MONICA BLOWS CLINTON PRESIDENCY
(VIRGINIUS POSHKUS)
HILLARY BOINKS VERN; SAYS, "IT'S MY TURN"
(JAMES BOWERS)
INTERN PROGRAM CHANGED TO "YOURTURN" PROGRAM
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
HILLARY HOT, DRESS SHOWS SPOT, STARR JACKPOT, SLICK SAYS, "NOT" , (SMOKED POT AND THEN FORGOT?), INTERN SHOT, IDIOT!
(PETE ROKER)
CLINTON STANDS BEHIND MONICA IN PROBE
(RICHAAARD [personal vote for best moniker])
MONICA KEEPS A STIFF UPPER LIP IN FACE OF CLINTON SCAM
(RICHAAARD)
MONICA: I DIDN'T SWALLOW
(AL CERN)
MONICA BLOWS SAME OPPORTUNITY THAT BLEW AWAY PAULA
(GEO. COYNE)
MONICA SWALLOWS HARD AND AGREES TO SPIT OUT THE TRUTH
(JAMES BOWERS)
MONICA LASHES OUT AT PRESS: "I DON'T KNOW DICK!"
(JANICE SHELL)
MONICA RECANTS TO PRESS: WELL, MAYBE I DO KNOW DICK
(JANICE SHELL)
MONICA GETS A GRIP; SWALLOWS HARD, VOWS TO KEEP MOUTH SHUT
(JANICE SHELL)
MONICA SWALLOWS HARD AND AGREES TO SPIT OUT THE TRUTH
(JAMES BOWERS)
CLINTON TO DELIVER STATE OF THE UNION DRESS
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
CLINTON SAYS EVIDENCE WON'T STAND UP IN COURT
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
LOOSE LIPS SINK SLICK
(DAVID LAWRENCE say it 3 times real fast)
PIECE ACCORD REACHED IN OVAL OFFICE
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
BENNETT: IF THE JAW DON'T FIT YOU MUST ACQUIT
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
MONICA GAGGED BY JUDGE, "SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?" SAYS SHE
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
PYTHON RUNS RAMPANT IN WHITE HOUSE
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
FROM WATERGATE TO NAUGHTYGATE
(ZEEV HED)
EATIN' AIN'T CHEATIN'
(ART M. winging his way to the Leno Show for this contribution)
I LOVE THIS THREAD
(TRUFFLETTE not fully relevant, but joyous)
CLINTON TO GORE: SOON WILL COME YOUR TIME TO SCORE
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
IF THE DRESS IS STAINED, HE WON'T REMAIN
(ANDREW H.)
WHITEHOUSE: SWALLOW THE LEADER
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
INHALE THE CHIEF
(SURETHING)
JORDAN: ONE GOOD JOB DESERVES ANOTHER
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
MONICA TO JOIN PIECE CORPS
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
WOMEN'S POLL: WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH CLINTON? 82% RESPOND "NEVER AGAIN"
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
MORE THAN TWO THUMBS UP
(GARY OWENS)
HILLARY FILES FOR DIVORCE; WANTS HOUSE
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
PROBE OF MONICA REVEALS HEAD OF STATE BENT OUT OF SHAPE OVER CUNNING STUNT AND CONGRESS
(PETE ROKER)
MONICA TAKES FIFTH; TASTE STILL THERE
(DON RHODES)
CLINTON PULLS BONER IN MONICA HANDLING
(RICHAAARD yes that is the correct spelling)
MONICA WON'T GET CLINTON OFF AGAIN, TURNS TO STARR TO GET HER OFF
(BILLWOT)
PLUMP CHUMP PULLS PUMP-AND-DUMP
(ROGER WILCO)
CLINTON'S STAFF BACKFIRES, TAINTS ADDRESS
(MATT BURTON)
POLYGRAPH WANTS CRACKER
(DON RHODES)
PROBE BLOWS UP IN MONICA'S FACE
(SURETHING)
CLINTON TRIPPS OVER PRESIDENTIAL STAFF
(ROGER WILLCO)
MR METALS REPLACES RUBIN AT TREASURY
(MR METALS no double entendre, but cool headline nonetheless)
MONICA GETS GOVERNMENT POST
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
INTERNS TOLD TO USE HEAD
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
JORDAN: I WAS MONICA'S HEADHUNTER
(DOUBLE D)
BUDDY: SOCKS SUCKS TOO
(DON RHODES once again no double entendre, but a truly disturbed mental picture)
UNIBONER STRIKES AGAIN
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
PRESSED BY INTERN, CLINTON'S STAFF STIFFENS
(CAMERON LANG)
PREZ SEZ TOO MUCH SEX ON TV; "IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE."
(HOLLY DESPENDAHL)
MONICA: "BILL'S A STAND UP GUY"
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
NEW FROM DOUBLEDAY: ALL THE PRESIDENT'S WOMEN
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
CLINTON VOWS TO STICK IT OUT
(DAVID LAWRENCE)
"WOMEN JUST SEEM TO CLOSE THEIR EYES TO HIS BEHAVIOR"
( A REAL QUOTE FROM A REAL NEWSPAPER, JAN. 25, 1998) |
