Jay Leno's take on things:
Al Gore is now just an orgasm away from the presidency" (1/21/98).
"I don't want to imply President Clinton is getting a lot of sex on the side, but today Pamela and Tommy Lee asked to see his movie" (1/21/98).
"What's it gonna be like . twenty-five years from now, when they're giving tours of the White House? `This is the Lincoln Bedroom here, and this is FDR's study, and this room [is] Clinton's Booty Palace'" (1/22/98).
"We shouldn't assume President Clinton is guilty. We all thought Richard Jewell was guilty, and then we were wrong about him. Can you really compare Richard Jewell to President Clinton, though? I mean, one's a big, southern doofus, the other's a wealthy, respected former security guard" (1/22/98).
"Clinton says he wants to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The problem is, to Clinton, those are three different things" (1/23/98).
"Mike McCurry . said today the President denies ever having an affair with this woman and he is going about his normal daily routine. Denying having an affair with a woman pretty much is Clinton's normal daily routine" (1/23/98).
"Friends of President Clinton say they have finally decided on a site for the Clinton presidential library. It's gonna be here in California: Roy's Adult Book Store in Pacoima" (1/25/98).
"The Super Bowl . was so exciting. Bill Clinton jumped right up and knocked the intern off his lap" (1/26/98).
"Insiders say the President is saddened and depressed over this scandal. In fact, he was so down today, he canceled his nooner" (1/26/98).
"I don't want to say that President Clinton is in big trouble . but today, his buddy Vernon Jordan was seen sitting in front of the White House in a white Bronco with a fake beard and $10,000 in cash" (1/26/98).
"Do you realize, Roger Clinton is now the one going, `What'd my idiot brother do now?'" (1/26/98).
"Remember . when Clinton was telling young people they should wait to have sex? Now we know who he wanted them to wait for: him" (1/27/98).
"This was the first State of the Union speech that was simulcast on the Spice Channel" (1/27/98).
"Last year, at the State of the Union, [Clinton] had to compete with [the] O.J. Simpson [civil verdict]. Now, he's competing against himself. . He's always up against a lying golfer known for attacking women and leaving DNA behind" (1/27/98).
"Today on `Sesame Street,' they named a new character after President Clinton: the Nooky Monster" (1/27/98). |
