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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Chip Anderson who wrote (4639)2/9/1998 3:49:00 PM
From: ken whited  Read Replies (1) of 62549
 
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET

ELEMENT: Women
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Surface usually covered in painted film
Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
Melts if given special treatment
Bitter if incorrectly used
Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
Yields if pressure applied in correct places

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of alcohol
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
Can be a great aid to relaxation
Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not
come into direct contact with each other
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