| | | Things not to say while or after having sex:
Do I have to pay for this?
Does this count as a date?
Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
Does your husband own a shotgun?
Did I tell you my mother died in this bed?
Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
Keep it down, my parents are light sleepers!
What are you planning to make for breakfast?
It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about.
—
A zookeeper stumbles across a man throwing five-dollar bills into the monkey cage.
“What the heck are you doing?” the zookeeper asks.
“The signs says it’s cool,” the man answers, pointing to a sign in front of the cages.
“No, it doesn’t,” the zookeeper replies.
“Sure it does,” says the man, tossing another bill in the cage. “It says, ‘Do Not Feed Monkeys. $5 Fine.’”
—
A KGB agent meets a friend
"How are you doing?" the KGB agent asks
"I'm fine, I'm working as a teacher. How about you?"
"I'm a KGB agent"
"Oh, what is it that you do?"
"I arrest those who are dissatisfied with the current regime"
"There are those that are satisfied with the current regime?" the friend asks in shock
"Yeah, but they are the responsibility of the anti-corruption department.” |
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