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Politics : Did Slick Boink Monica?

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To: Surething who wrote (6894)2/15/1998 2:14:00 AM
From: Lady Lurksalot  Read Replies (1) of 20981
 
Subject: Clinton Denies Titanic Report

President Clinton denied today recent accusations that he encouraged Captain Smith of the HMS Titanic to ignore warnings regarding icebergs in the North Atlantic. Pointing his finger at a group of reporters, Clinton stated emphatically, "Listen to me. I did not send any radio messages to that Captain, and I would never encourage anyone to speed wrecklessly through ice fields."

In a related development, Kenneth Starr has asked for permission to expand the investigation of the Whitewater real estate scandal to include the Titanic story. "We are currently looking at the Titanic evidence," said a spokesperson who asked not to be identified. "We have reports of wrongdoing. We have a credible witness who claims to have seen the President and the First Lady playing with the wireless set in the Oval Office for a period of time covering several nights in April of 1912."

The spokesperson stressed that this latest investigation is not motivated by political partisanship. "We are not engaged in a witch hunt here. We have always prided ourselves on being fair to the President and his friends. We would never leak unverified rumors so that a person's reputation is damaged before any trial." When asked about the cost of the investigation, the spokesperson seemed miffed. "So far, we have spent 30 million dollars on this stuff. Combined with the Republican investigations in the Senate, a total of almost 70 million has been spent. We are sure that every tax payer feels the effort has been a real investment in our country's future."

The Icewatergate scandal is the latest of developments that have rocked the White House. The President was reportedly comforted by reports that Starr will not connect the deaths of Michael Kennedy and Sony Bono to that of Vince Foster even though unnamed sources pointed out the striking similarities in the shapes of the trees that killed Kennedy and Bono and the trees found in the area where Foster's body was located.

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Remember, you asked for it! Now I'll go see if I can find that report that places the Clintons and VIncent Foster on the Grassy Knoll. Holly
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