Surething, Mike, All,
To help pass the time and hurry us along to the next xx00 post on this three-day weekend which has been plagued by a scarcity of news from Capitol Hill, here's a little something from The Internet Oracle (aka Steve Kinzler) whose webpage can be found among the hot links in the Coffee Shop forums here at SI:
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
Oh you omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient omnivore tell me, what's the next fad after the Internet? I think its time to move on.
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
You've gone to the movies!
You've listened to the radio!
You've watched hours and hours of television!
But it's not good enough, is it?
No, all of these media just lack that special something. And, more importantly, they're all passe.
Even the Internet -- the greatest thing since Jaws 3-D -- has turned out to be something of a disappointment. Traffic is high, congestion is rampant, and you knew that it was no longer cutting-edge when you discovered that your grandmother has her own page on Geocities. No, you need something new. Something now. Something with more sensory stimulation than anything before it-- and you can be among the first to get in on the action!
*** REAL LIFE [tm] is the answer! ***
Real Life [tm] combines a total-immersion interface with complete sensory stimulation! You can SEE an apple, FEEL it, SMELL it, and TASTE it, all in the comfort of your own home, while you HEAR a full-featured soundtrack of local noises!
Chat rooms? Who needs chat rooms, when you can speak to others in real-time, in full-motion video--in BILLIONS of colors, and analog sound exceeding CD quality -- with no lag! On demand, 24/7!
And forget MUDs -- walk outside and find an entire
environment to explore, featuring trees, mountains, suburban dwellings, various weather systems, and more religious systems than you can shake a stick at! And you'll even find a touch of magic in the eyes of a child...
And what about all those .gifs you have cluttering up your hard drive? You COULD ask one of our Real Life [tm] service representatives about available "red light districts," but a more rewarding option is to find a suitable partner and discover just what you've been missing out on while you were surfing. You'll wonder how you ever managed without it!
Real Life [tm] is available around the globe. To order, simply unplug your computer, sacrifice the CPU to the Internet Oracle, walk outside, breathe in deeply, and say "Helllooooo, WORLD!" Very few people have tried this lately, so you're sure to be a trendsetter! Satisfaction guaranteed, or else you'll just have to buy a new computer. But hey, that's life.
You owe the Oracle a CPU, freshly sacrificed. |
