Try these 3 jokes
A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her it is still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. So that night at dinner she does.
About a week later she's back at the Dr. and says the pill worked great. I put it in the potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right there on the table.
The Dr says, I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.
Naah she says, that's okay. We aren't going back to Denny's.
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There was once a clairvoyant little boy, who could see into the future. One night while saying his prayers, the little boy's parents were listening and heard him finish,
"God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, goodbye grandpa." The next day his grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack.
A few weeks later, the little boy was praying and his parents were listening, "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, goodbye grandma." The next day his grandmother was hit and killed by a bus while crossing the street.
A month or so later, the little boy was praying and said, "God bless mommy, goodbye daddy." Naturally his father panicked and he decided he needed to take extra precautions. He had himself driven, very carefully and slowly, to work by an armed guard in an armored security truck he hired.
However, he couldn't concentrate because he was thinking about his boy's prayer, "Goodbye Daddy." He finally came home early being extremely careful the entire way.
When he got home, his wife met him at the front door crying and upset.
"Honey the most terrible thing happened today," she cried. "The mailman died on our doorstep!"
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A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no paper in the ladies room." |
