3 Jokes
Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional...
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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f*****g difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!
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You Just Can't Win
1. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
2. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
3. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
4. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
5. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
6. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
7. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
8. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
9. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
10. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
11. If you cry, you're a wimp.
12. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
13. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
14. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
15. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
16. If she asks you, it's a favor.
17. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
18. If you don't, you're a fag.
19. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're a sexist.
20. If you don't, you're unromantic.
21. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
22. If you don't, you're a slob.
23. If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
24. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
25. If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
26. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
27. If you're totally beat after a hard day, you don't give a shit about other people's needs.
28. If she's totally beat after a hard day, she's tired.
29. If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
30. If you don't, there must be someone else.... |
