Pillsbury Doughboy Bites the Dust
All across the tables of America today, people are mourning the passing of veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh who died Fryday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid baker and tennis player.
Fresh was cremated in one of the most tasteful ceremonies in recent
years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs.Butterworth,
the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.
The grave sight was piled high with flours as longtime
friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man
who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Fresh rose quickly in show business, starring in Pillsbury commercials which served as his entre to stage and screen. He was toasted for his perfomance in Some Like it Hot. Critics regarded his raw abilities as the best thing since sliced bread.
Despite his heated rise to fame, the doughboy quickly fell as his career cooled. Hollywood chewed him up and spit him out. Fresh's act turned stale as he hardened under the hot lights of television. His later performances were panned as stale and flakey. He yearned to escape his greasy rolls in the tube. Even to Fresh, they seemed hard to swallow. He was eventually frozen out of the business and canned by Pillsbury.
His later life was filled with many turnovers. As one acquintance tartly put it, "he could get bent out of shape as quickly as the rise and fall of the temperature". Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He once said his recipe for life was "roll with the punches, keep a jiggle in the middle, and when things get too hot, simply turn off the heat".
Although he made a lot of bread, he was not considered a very smart cookie; wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- burned by those who buttered him up. After his attorneys sifted through his estate, it was obvious his fortune had crumbled.
Fresh is survived by his second wife, his beloved "Cupcake". They have two
children and another bun in the oven.
The cermony was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. |
