Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke Message Board

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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (4882)	3/7/1998 8:51:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) of 62549

Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth. __________________________________________ Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink __________________________________________________ How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...." ____________________________________________________________ How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven! __________________________________________________ Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ______________________________________________ How many men does it take to open a beer? None. The woman should have opened it by the time she brings it to the man on the couch. ____________________________________________________ One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!" ___________________________________________________ What do you do when your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you? You make the chain shorter. ______________________________________________________ What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told! ________________________________________________________ Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen??? ________________________________________________________ I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ________________________________________________________ It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. ________________________________________________________ Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. _________________________________________________________ Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. __________________________________________________________ Husband: Put your coat on love, I'm going to the bar. Wife: Are you taking me out for a drink? Husband: Don't be silly woman, I'm turning the heat off... _____________________________________________________________ Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs? So you can tell them apart from the feminists. ______________________________________________________________ I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. ______________________________________________________________ What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced. _______________________________________________________________ Why do women like intelligent men? Opposites attract. ____________________________________________________________ Some mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep! _____________________________________________________________ A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. ________________________________________________________________ Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. _____________________________________________________________ Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex drive by 90 percent........A wedding cake!!!

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