HERE'S A QUICK QUIZ FOR THE "GENTLE"MEN....
1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've
both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last
month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetiser is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at
the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that
sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.
If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking.
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Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash
register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because"; the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
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Kathleen Willey said that after the president kissed and groped her,she asked him, "Aren't you afraid someone's going to walk in here?"
Clinton said, "No, I gave Moinica the rest of the day off."
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An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. He goes to his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date. The doctor looks him over and says, "Bill, you seem
completely healthy but I must tell you one thing."
"What's that?", asks the millionaire.
"At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care it could be really deadly" the doctor replies.
Bill thinks for a minute and then says, "What the hell, if she dies she dies."
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There were 4 nuns and their Mother Superior told them that they had to paint their room without getting paint on their habits. So one of the nuns comes up with the idea that they should take their habits off and hid them away while painting. So they take off their habits and start to paint. 10 minutes later the someone knocks on the door.
"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns.
"The blind man," says the person at the door. The nuns think that there is no problem letting him in, since he is blind.
They open the door and he says, "Nice, boobs, sisters, here are your blinds."
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A rather large lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she reached the check-out, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 12, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE."
If that was bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store misunderstood the word "tampax" for "thumbtacks".
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom:
"Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer"? |
