Sesame Street Bus.
There was this man named jim who just retired after twenty years in the army as a heavy equipment operator. He had enjoyed his job in the army, but decided he would like to try something else for a while.
As Jim was looking through the want ads for another job, he came across a position for a bus driver at the Sesame Street Bus Company. He gave them a call and got an interview. The interviewer looked at his resume' and noted his clean driving record and excellent credentials. He was hired him on the spot.
"Your job", said the interviewer, "will be to pick up children and bring them to school on the Sesame Street bus. You pick up the childern where ever you see a sign of a Sesame Street character."
The next day, Jim showed up to drive the bus. He had a new pressed bus driver uniform and wanted to make a good impression. As he was driving along, he saw a sign with a picture of Ernie (a Sesame Street character) so he stopped the bus. A really chunky little girl tried to get on the bus, but got stuck in the door. Jim pulled and pulled, but couldn't get her on the bus. Finally, Jim had to go out the emergency exit and try to push the girl onto the bus. After some doing, the little girl made it on the bus. The little girl found a seat and sat down.
Wiping the perspiration from his brow, but still trying to make a good impression, he said, "Hi, my name is Jim. What's yours?"
"Hi. I'm Patty.", said the girl.
Jim acknowledged her and drove on. Soon he came to a sign of Burt. To his horror, there was a girl that was bigger than the first. After some doing, he finally got her on the bus. The girl sat down next to the first girl.
"Hi." said Jim, still trying to make a good impression. "I'm Jim. What's your name?"
"My name is Patty.", said the girl.
"Two Pattys", thought Jim, "How odd."
As he was driving along, he saw a sign of Big Bird. He stopped and there was this little kid who just looked up at him.
"Hey, kid." said Jim. "Get on the bus."
The kid just stared up at him.
"Kid, are you going to get on or not?" asked Jim.
One of the Pattys spoke up. "His name's Ross. He's not very smart. He'll come if you call his name."
"Ross." said Jim. "Get on the bus."
The kid smiled and got on the bus. As he was driving along, he saw a sign with a picture of Grover. He stopped the bus and this kid wearing leather and chains stomped out his cigarette and got on the bus, blowing smoke at the bus driver as he passed. The kid sat right behind the bus driver.
"Are you supposed to be on this bus?" asked Jim.
"This is the Sesame Street bus, isn't it?" snapped the kid.
"Yes."
"Well then, I belong here."
Trying to be somewhat friendly, Jim intodroduced himself, "Hi. I'm Jim."
"I'm Lester Breeze", replied the kid, "But everyone calls me 'cool' Breeze because I'm so cool."
By this time all Jim wanted to do was get to the school. Suddenly a raunchy smell came from behind him. He turned around and saw that Lester had taken off his shoes and was picking at his toes.
"Lester", said Jim, "Put your shoes back on! Your feet stink!"
"I can't." said Lester, "I have to pick this stuff out from between my toes."
Jim covered his nose with a rag and soon started speeding through the neighborhood trying to get to the school. A cop pulled him over.
"What do you think you're doing?", asked the cop. "You have a bus full of children and you're going 70 through the neighborhood."
"You don't understand, officer", said Jim, "I've got two all beef Pattys, special Ross, and Lester Breeze picking his bunions all on a Sesame Street bus." |
