Two stupid farmers had this mule that was a very hard worker. The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything.
One day, the farmers decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent this
from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and
asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem.
The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if
they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit. The
farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off.
Then the one farmer said to the other, "Some stupid neighbor
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Husband takes his wife to the doctors as he is very worried about her
health. Husband says to doctor - I'm most concerned about my wife, she appears to be very sick.
Doctor says - What is wrong with her?
Husband says - I'm not sure.
Doctor says - Well let me examine her and I will give you my diagnosis.
Ten minutes later doctor comes out and says - Well I'm afraid you are right, your wife is very ill.
Husband says - What is wrong with her?
Doctor says - Well it is one of two things. She either has Alzheimers or Aids.
Husband is horrified and says - Oh no, what can I do about it?
Doctor says - Well take her out in your car and dump her two miles from your house and if she finds her way home, don't fuck her.
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This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Listen, I
have 3 girls coming over tonight. I never had 3 girls at once, I need
something to keep me horny, keep me potent."
So the pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small black cardboard box marked with an "X" and says "Here,if you eat this you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"
The guy says "gimmee 3 boxes".
The next day, the same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to
the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black
& blue, with skin hanging off in places. The man says "gimme a
bottle of Deep Heat".
To which the pharmacist replies "Deep Heat? You're not going to put
Deep Heat on that are you?"
The man replies "No it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up"!!!
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A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two
female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to
learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
While at the race track some of the children wanted to go to the
toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher
and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's
toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach
the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting
the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess
you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am" he replied,
"I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
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"How can I help you?" the psychiatrist asked.
"It's her," the man said, nodding toward his wife. "For the last eight
months, she has believed herself to be a lawn mower."
"That is serious," said the shrink ."Why didn't you bring her in sooner?"
"My neighbour just returned her."
At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the
presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis.
Would you please comment on this."
"The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth." |
