HOW MANY COLLEGE STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB:
Vanderbilt: Two-one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to
pay the bill
Princeton: Two-one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician
Brown: Eleven-one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the
experience
Dartmouth: None-Hanover doesn't have electricity
Cornell: Two-One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the
pressure
Penn: Only one, but he gets six credits for it
Columbia: Seventy-six-one to change the lightbulb, fifth to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter
protest
Yale: None-New Haven looks better in the dark
Harvard: One-he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him
MIT: Five-one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs
changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch
Vassar: Eleven-one to screw it and ten to support its sexual
orientation
Middlebury: Five-One to change the lightbulb and four to find the
perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion
Stanford: One, dude
Oberlin: Three-one to change it and two to figure out how to
get high off the old one
Holy Cross: Ten-one to change it, one back up if the first guy's too
drunk and the other eight to pray that it works
Georgetown: Four-one to change it, one to call Congress about their
progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students.
Williams: The whole student body-when you're snowed in, there's
nothing else to do
Tufts: Two-one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he
did it as well as an Ivy League student
Sarah Lawrence: Five-one to change the bulb and four to do an
interpretative dance about it.
Swarthmore: Eight-it's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress
Boston University: Four-one to change the bulb and two to check his
math homework
Wesleyan: Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know, military-industrial
complex and all that stuff.
Connecticut College: None-they are all too drunk to notice
Virginia: Thirteen-Ten to form student committee to vote on whether
changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the
bulb, one to hold the keg the he's standing on, and another to attribute
electricity to Mr. Jefferson.
Bowdoin: Three-one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb,
one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in
Boston College: Seven-one to change the light bulb and six to throw a
party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time
Santa Clara University: One-but you would never know about it because
only Cal. and Stanford gets press for changing their lightbulbs
U. of Fla: The light's out? |
