If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you
actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!
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The day before his wedding this guy decides to play a game of baseball with his buddies. Playing shortstop he gets hit in the 'nads with a line drive.
He goes to the doctor in a lot of pain, but the doctor tells him there is
nothing he can do except wrap it up. So the doc takes a few tongue
depressors and wraps it in a splint.
The next night on his honeymoon his lovely wife comes to him dressed in a nightgown. Taking down the top she shows him her breasts. She proudly says
"No man has ever touched these, I have been saving them for just you for tonight."
Surprised but not to be outdone, her new husband pulls down his pants and says, "Look at this, honey, still in the crate."
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Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment.
Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today,
he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that
he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son.
Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
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A polish guy bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black. |
