A woman has a dog who snores in his sleep. She goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon, ties it around the dogs testicles, and sure enough the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed.
Later that night her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. She goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husbands testicles. Amazingly it also works on him. The woman sleeps very soundly.
The next morning the husband wakes up very hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his scrotum. He is very confused. He walks back into the bedroom and sees a red ribbon attached to his dogs scrotum.
He looks at the dog and says
"Boy, I don't remember what the hell happened last night, but where ever you and I where, we got first and second place."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night
the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little
negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says,
"Honey, do you remember this?" He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She says, "Yes, that's right.
Do you remember what you said to me that night." He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."Well, what was it?" she asks.
He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out."
She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you
said. So, now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore that
night. What do you have to say tonight?
" Again he looks up at her and looks her up and down and replies, " Mission Accomplished."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site.
Once there he'd asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a
leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced one I-beam
across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to
the other end to pee.
While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang.
The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and
the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.
The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine
investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.
"I think it was sex-related, " offered one of the crew.
"Sex releated? How do you figure that?" said the investigator.
"Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick in his
hand, screaming, 'where did that cocksucker go???'"
|
